Happy Fourth of July!

This weekend has been filled with highs and lows. I tried to get a pedicure and became dizzy, lost probably 95% vision and had to call Chris to pick me up. The next morning I was fine and successfully accomplished it. I have been out socializing a few hours here and there but most hours have been spent on couch and in bed.

I cannot fight the rhythms of treatment. They are stronger than me. Even if I feel good (normally I would run 100 errands, go to the grocery 3x, and do 100 more things), I must hold myself back to reserve my energy. It's very very hard for me to do that.

On Thursday I was feeling frustrated. Today I am helping myself work thru this and remembering to not fight it. Enjoy the good moments and lay down in the bad moments. I am feeling very tired at the moment where my levels feel like they have dipped again.

Still  no sign of rash. Yay. I feel incredibly blessed for my friends and family and work friends who are all there for me for anything. I mean really blessed. God is in this with us. Love you all.

Happy Fourth of July!!! :) xoxoxo

Blah. (Just made myself laugh with this title)

Chemotherapy sucks. I did fine getting treatment on Monday, even though I got stuck 4x before we got going. The inside of my right arm looks like a total wreck. So long sleeve shirts for me. I did well over last couple of days. Today is not so good. It's just a bad day. I don't want to move, don't want to do anything. My rhythm of treatments are not in line with Summer fun. It's interfering with the Fourth of July weekend. We decided to not travel to see my husband's family.

It's here...the down kind of day. Physically, I am experiencing muscle aches and just that flu like feeling that you hear about with chemo.  The physical downess can have an effect on my mental state sometimes, like today. I want my hair back. I want to be in the sun. I want my energy back. I want to run the roads working.  I want to open the sunroof and sing in my car.  I want to be able to drink my coffee, etc etc. I am so frustrated!

Bottom line, the medicine is making me better. This is temporary. I have to get past this to get well. I need to stop complaining and rest up. There will be better days ahead.

Chemo #2 is upon me

Hi. I have chemo treatment#2 (tomorrow as of now) on Monday 6/27. I get blood work done at 8am, meet with Dr Harper at 8:45am and go into treatment directly after.  I will probably be there til 1:30-2pm. I took steroids today getting ready for it and ate a great meal tonight cooked by my brother in law. He is always ready to put anything on the grill. :). I am doing well. I am experiencing some hot flashes tonight. I am afraid to say that I think this will get more frequent as I remember the last time. I am always in anticipation of the treatment. So hopefully I will sleep ok. My cough is still with me, but it is different.  I will ask about this with my doctor tomorrow. I know the treatments are working so I really believe there is no way it could be growing or spreading. Maybe it's just holes left in my bronchial tubes from where the nodes have gone down in swelling. I'll take that! :) xoxoxo. God is my refuge and my foundation. So thankful to have not just a rock but the one and only Great I Am's rock beneath me. :). I'll report how this one goes. Lots of love, hugs and kisses.

Movie of Pics- Turn your sound on

 

Hi, so I have been wanting to post pics for you, so I created a little Movie on my iPhone.  Threw some things together for you.  Gloves on was first day of treatment.  Other shots of me are in my new hair pieces. :) I am doing well this week.  Almost 100%.  I am dealing with my hair gone much easier the second time around.  :)  That's your prayers working. :) XOXOXO

 

Click here for YouTube link if you can't view below. 

 

Today- It gets real.

Hi,
You will be happy to know that I went to Chicago again this past weekend and had a great weekend!  I feel pretty close to 100%.  The side effects have let up quite a bit this week.  The only ones that are present are that taste is a little off, my nose layers are stripped so its pretty bloody most of the time, only a touch of muscle pain from time to time, other issues where I have to stay close to a restroom, and the big one right now...my hair is officially coming out.  Its not falling out of my head yet, but if I tug on 10 strands, those 10 strands come out. 

So, I decided that today I must be a big girl.  I am going to shave my head.  I am mad about it.  Mainly because a wig can be weird and uncomfortable.  So, I am going to try to find some cool ways to do scarves and such this time.  And it screams "she is sick".  I know I am sick but I don't want my body screaming it at people.  I want to live normal.  Again, this is the fight in my head.

I made an appointment with my hair person, Tiny, at 6:30pm at his shop. This will be difficult for both of us.  The first time I went to him is when my hair just started growing back in October 2012 and he highlighted it for me.  His mom passed away from breast cancer.  We often talk about his mom, laugh, joke, talk about how my hair has grown back so healthy.  We have been good for each other.  But today will be much different. 

Last time, Barb, my Mom, Holly and I played "Eye of the Tiger" while shaving my head in my kitchen.  I may be playing it all day today in the car. 

I just ate a Sprinkles cupcake, lemon.  That makes me happy. :) The fruit ones are much better than the others, I think.

So, today it gets real. 

Crazy lady

Well hello!  Good grief, you would not believe the rashes I am dealing with. I got steroids yesterday and I am doing better now. My doctor said to stay out of the sun. I promise you that I have stayed out of it. But what I think happened was about 3 days before treatment, I was in the sun and got a little red in some areas. Instead of my body healing a sunburn like normal, I think the chemo attacked any inflammation in my skin and made it worse like a 3rd degree burn/poison ivy. I hope this doesn't happen again, because I want to stay on this regimen.  If I have rashes like this, there is no way I can sustain it. So hoping these go away quickly especially before the next treatment. Steroids, Benedryl, cream, cooling packs are helping!

I went into the office today for a bit. It's good to see my peeps. But, I have to take one day at a time here. For example, next Tuesday, I am supposed to go to a meeting but it's also calculated to be the day I should start losing the majority of my hair. So, while I want normalcy, the fact is that chemo side effects complicates things. I am a very social person without much of a filter and this makes it easier in some ways because I am open to talk about it all. But it also makes it more difficult in some ways because I might look different coupled with everyone's concern for me can be a bit overwhelming for me and them.  So I am going to have to just figure this out day by day.

Emotionally, I am doing well. I had a hard day last Thursday that was draining. But I have been doing well with just little bursts of tears from time to time. The song "Thinking Out Loud" by Ed Sheeran makes me sad yet happy. It references 70 years old and damnit I want to live til I am 70.  So as you can see, emotionally I am probably realistically a wreck. LOL. But I tell you I am doing well overall. Haha!  This is cracking me up to write this. Usually I would rewrite this whole paragraph but I won't. I will give you the satisfaction of how crazy I sound and Chris says welcome to his world!!! LOL!

Sorry that I am not posting pics. I usually post from my phone and I haven't figured it out just yet. It wants to connect to google cloud pics yada yada yada.

Thank you for your love, prayers, support in all of this mess. :) Love you in this with me.

My new normal

Hi,
I had a fun weekend in Chicago this weekend with neighbors and seeing Ryan play in his band, Stache. It's always best times to see the band, Ryan and Kelli and friends! I suited up in a hat, cover up, took a chair, drank plenty of water. Enjoyed it tremendously!  It was a good refresher and time away. Today we are traveling back and my body is not doing as well. I thought I had escaped the side effects from my first treatment but that certainly has not been the case. I am not dealing with nausea which is good. I am dealing with soreness, fatigue, rashes, mouth issues. I figure it will get better in next couple of weeks just in time for the next tx on June 27. Still holding out hope that I don't lose all my hair. Today is certainly not one of my better days but I believe tomorrow will be. :)

I don't want to bore you with details over next couple of weeks so I may not post a ton.  If something changes, I will post. I will be checking in to let you know how I am doing.

Xoxo. Amanda