It's official

Never underestimate the power of our God. Nine months later, I have a great story to tell! It's not about me, the story is about the support, love and grace of God through my friends and family and prayer. You are a true gift to me. Happy tears! We did this. I feel like a poor leader with a great team! :) Love you. Amanda

What IS radiation really?

Sorry I have not provided a good update of this radiation experience. Let me catch you up. First of all, I have 3 left including Wed, Thurs, Fri this week at 9:30am each morning. It has been Mon-Fri at 9:30 ish every day. I may have tried to run you over on the way to these appointments, my apologies if you saw me coming in your mirror! Ha!

So, radiation involves, first, parking. then walking through the garden flowers that are about 3 feet tall on either side of the sidewalk and then opening the heavy handicap doors, barreling in and being greeted by a woman who calls me "Precious" and she lets the technicians know I have arrived. I go through the main waiting room into a door that leads to dressing rooms to change and another waiting area with a tv, for those of us in our gowns. I go in the dressing room and change and come out to sit with my gown on. Often, there is someone there to visit with. Through this process, I have met several people. We all discuss our cancer as if we are discussing what we had for dinner last night. We support each other. Butch likes to hug. :)

 There is a ringer that goes off and they call my name. I walk down the hallway, pass the dressing rooms and turn to the right down another short hallway where there are side rooms equipped with very expensive and large medical devices. I continue to walk through the steel doorway (the door is approx. 5'w x 8'h), then down the ramp into this room that has been built for this radiation deal. I come to a hard table where I lie down. They set up my custom made head rest so to keep my head exactly in the right place every time, not for my comfort.

Because they are radiating under my arm and chest wall, my positioning is set just so with my left arm over my head on rests and my right arm to my side with my head turned. I get to face the computers so that I can see all of the calculations that apply to me. These calculations include exposure to the radiation, amount of electrons released, x y coordinates lined up that match the stickers on my body, table placement, and more that looks very complicated to understand.  Everything has to be perfect.  The technicians will ever so slightly adjust my body so that it lines up just perfect. 

The country music is usually on in the background.  The lights dim when they are setting me up for my treatment.  It takes about 10 minutes total.  There are 3 times that I am adjusted by the technicians and the radiation machine flies overhead to just the right spot each time.  Each time, the technicians leave the room and I hear a buzz coming out of the machine.  Each buzz approximately 20-30 seconds.  I don’t feel anything at all.  The machine doesn’t touch me.  It simply sends out beams that radiate the skin.  Now I am 30 treatments in and my skin is very red and peeling now.  I am a little uncomfortable, my reach is limited, but overall I am doing well.  I am working a lot and I don’t feel as tired as some people going through radiation.  I could use a nap from time to time, but who here could not use a nap from time to time!?  I am exhausted as I write this, but it is 11:22pm.

I am feeling much more normal.  I still am wearing my hair even though I have a good helmet head of hair.  I am losing a little weight.  I need to get out and walk/run more.  We are days out from sending our son to kindergarten and getting on a whole new schedule.  So, here we go with another new normal! J
 
I pray for you all of the time and I appreciate your prayers for me- they have been working!!  I am cancer free and can move forward when I get done here!  I have truly felt the love you have poured out over me.  Whether through a card, or through a prayer or a thought, I feel so loved!

I’ll keep posting here.  I will have more updates as I will be starting Tamoxifen after radiation.  We can welcome the hot flashes back, together!  And that will be for 5 years, yes, 5 years- menopausal symptoms.  I have got to work on my sense of humor!  I could be likely to hurt somebody, especially slow drivers.  HA!  Pray for patience and lots of humor, again, who couldn’t use more of that in their life! J

Lots of love! Amanda

The Chair

At this moment, I am sitting in the spot where I felt the breast cancer myself for the first time and realized breast cancer could be a reality for me that was confirmed 24 hours later. This is my view. This was exactly 7 months ago to the day and time (Monday 11/01 2:15pm) that I sit here now (Monday 7/02 2:15pm). Wow. Thank you God for letting me sit in this chair many months later! This feels very significant to me right now. I'm just taking it in.

Champions

I have radiation this morning at 11:45am. I am a little anxious for it although I know it will be easy by all accounts I have heard. I have my cream ready thanks to my sweet Connie. I have been busy with work like the old days. I enjoy it, but I lose priorities some times.

On Thursday night, as outgoing President for Louisville Chapter at CSI, my theme was champions and I spoke about how to be a champion, which some of you have read my thoughts on this in a previous post or heard me talk about it. My thoughts that night… I picked out 5 local champions and included quotes from them. The idea is that each of these champions demonstrate an important perspective of being a champion….Muhammad Ali=perseverance, Mario Gutierrez=Dedication, Fuzzy Zoeller=talent, Eli Manning=overcoming adversity, John Calapari=team. Each of these concepts are ones that we can take away and apply to ourselves. I added how some people in this world are champions of people and how we need to do this for each other, and I have seen this in my own journey. I noted that the members have been champions for CSI. We need to apply these concepts to our lives and be champions and not be overly consumed in work, etc. J Some people found it inspirational.

The issue here is that while this is inspirational to some and to me, we have to find ways to hold on to it. These are important concepts just as my faith in God is important to me. I think we get busy and eliminate things that are not immediately gratifying or rewarding to us personally. We have been given this life to live in its fullest when its according to God's plan. Sometimes I think we try to run our lives how we think is best, and it turns out weak and disappointing.

I pray this day that, while I am cancer free and moving to another treatment phase and progressing through this journey, I can continue my shift of priorities. Keep God first, and my family and friends, and work follow. Put away my "self" tendencies in this consuming culture, allow for margins in my life and live God's plan and ask him for it. I pray this for my friends. I pray that we live, not according to this culture's standards, but by God's standards beyond things, idols, tv commercials. I pray we can discern God's voice over all others. I pray that we can give thanks and be generous with all that we have. Amen!

Update 6/15/12

Well HI!!  How are y'all? :)  I am doing really good since I have been released from chemo!  What a wonderful thing!  I have not started radiation yet.  I start Tuesday, 6/19 and end Friday 8/3.  This is for 33 treatments (down from 37 that they had told me) every day five days per week, M-F at 9:15am.  I have 6 qty 1" or so tuquoise blue "X"'s on me so that they know where to laser me (that's the best way to say it, I guess).  This will be much easier than the chemo.  I expect I should continue about my normal day.  They say there is fatigue and sunburn/tightness feeling in skin, especially as time goes on.  My hair is coming back.  It's very curly and very dark with gray- I would like to say it was the chemo that did that, but don't think so- I think it was Lynn Imaging, just a hunch- okay or my husband. ;) Kidding. :) 

I have been working a lot lately.  Feel kind of back to how things were...always behind, always rushing. :)  I need to work on this.  I ate well for about a week.  I was inspired and had the momentum to last me a few days.  Will be getting back on that soon.  Maybe have to do a formal WW meeting? 

Love to you!
Amanda

Yeee Haw!

Sooo, no chemo this week! Feeling good about that! Had a CT scan yesterday and I have no cancer present! That's a good feeling! I also learned through appt with OBGYN that I don't have to take out ovaries in order to avoid estrogen. I learned that I may stay in menopause if things dont return to normal within 6 months or so. I also had my annual exam done which was WAY overdue which got me into this mess in the first place! Ladies- get your annual exam and mammograms done!!!!!!!! Seriously- don't put it off. Men- get your colons and prostates checked!

So it was a productive day! At the CT scan, they have you drink 2 big things of a milky substance and then they inject iodine based fluid into your veins. Tech says as she is injecting it, "it's going to feel warm, you will have metallic taste, and you will feel like you peed yourself.". Glad I didn't really pee on myself. She was right though, sure did feel like it. Haha!

I have appt with dermatologist today to see about these fingernails. They are coming off nailbed and I am concerned about bacteria. But they are atached enough that I cant rip them off, sorry of TMI. So maybe surgically remove them? I will find out!

My mtg w Radiation Oncologist is on Thursday. Will find out schedule for the summer.

I am dedicated to eating healthy and whole foods. Day 2. :). I read that fat makes estrogen which feeds my cancer. So, a REAL good reason to drop it like a hot potato!! :). Seriously!

Love to you!
Amanda

Time for a Cupcake!

12 of 12 D.O.N.E.!!!! :) Made cupcakes for nurses. They are very special and took good care of me during these last 18 treatments all together. Wow. I can't wait until the chemo washes out and I become YET another new person. Thanks for meeting me here during this. I will be starting radiation as this saga continues...so stay tuned for updates. What you can do for me? Go out and get the best cupcake you can find and enjoy it to the max!!!! Love and prayers, Amanda