Hi,
Well I sure have missed my blog family. I hope you are doing well. I think about writing from time to time, but then get distracted by life's stuff. I have been clear of cancer, and this means that cancer doesn't get much attention from day to day. And, this means I live normally and don't often dive into any vulnerable areas.
However, I post today for a few reasons. One is because, today, I am 2 years cancer free since my 2nd diagnosis (6 years, 6 months, 27 days total since my 1st diagnosis) and I do have a few vulnerable feelings, despite being cancer free right now.
As a side note, you might wonder how I am really doing...I am energetic and thriving and living my life as full as possible, and as close to Jesus as possible. I do find it very complex to live at 42 years old and know that my time could be very limited. It's hard to not just up and fly out to Italy on a whim, or jump in my car and drive with my windows down and music turned up all the way to the beach and stay for more than a week; and just succumb to adult responsibilities of life. (I should note here that I don't have a bucket list.)
So, on with the vulnerability part of this post. Jack is graduating 5th grade tomorrow. This school, these teachers have been with me over the last 7 years of this cancer journey. I am forever grateful for their investment in my son. Its been a safe place for me and for Jack during this journey. Its been a small community of people I trust. I am moving on with Jack to middle school to a new family that I hope is just as warm and caring and trusting with my son and our family.
This coming Monday, June 4, 2018 is my follow up 3 month CT scan check. I feel like it should be normal. I literally don't feel bad or feel anything that would warrant the cancer's return. However, I mentioned that today is my 2 year anniversary date. We are now entering into the more pressing time frame of when the medicine is more likely to stop working. Two years ago, I estimated it to work for 2-5 years. So, now the inevitable becomes more likely. And with the "more likely" comes the pressure of being absolutely certain moving forward that I am living my life each and every moment to the best that it absolutely can be. This is exactly where I will spend a lot of my time thinking and praying moving forward. Frankly, I know this is no different for anyone, as we are all limited in our time on earth. I just get to hit it head on, face to face now in my best days of my life.
My best days of my life are spent in those little moments with my 10 year old that I only hope are the key moments that will define and shape him and moments that he will be able to look back and remember on his own account how special his mom is and how much she loves him. The moments where my family can live in freedom without stress and fear. I really don't need Italy or the beach. I just need more of these little moments, especially before my son becomes a middle school alien of a child who smells like Axe spray and is full of drama. LOL.
Another side note, my mom has taught me everything, with one exception- my brothers and 2 cousins taught me how to fight and not give up. My aunts and uncles have coached me. My step dad has stuck with me through everything. My husband has loved me through everything. My friends...my friends have warmed my soul. God has guided and provided for me in everything and in every way.
I am one lucky blessed girl.
Lots of love from me to you...
I pray that you see where God has provided you with your angels, blessings and guidance, and that you believe He is relentless in his love for you regardless of circumstances. This makes all the difference in the world.
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