CELEBRATE! ONE YEAR!

As of November 3, it has been one year since my diagnosis.  Today (11/14) is one year ago that I started chemotherapy.  I had a CT scan this week and it is clear!  NO CANCER!  :)  Its been a lot to celebrate.  I finished all my treatments in August.  I am doing really well.  I will have another surgery in August 2013.  Last night I took a picture of the exact time one year ago on my watch that is in the  website header above. 

Does it seem like a year went by? Yes. Now that I am cancer free, I am excited to see what the next year has in store. This time of year will always be a marker and a reminder in my life. A reminder of how much I am loved by my family and friends and a marker of how to live out every moment God has given me in this life. Though, there is one thing that hasn't changed and won't change...I will always need 5 more minutes!!

I am so thankful for this season without treatments and without cancer.  I am thankful for the Christmas season, the lights, the trees and trimmings, the music, the bustling, the kid's excitement, the planning, the meals, the quality time.  I hope and pray that you and your family will enjoy it as much as I will, this year and every year. 

I spent some time reading my blog from last year on these days, reflecting on those times beginning treatment, what I felt like, etc.  I praise Jesus that it's done.  There was nothing more than God's grace in those days.  That I was playing with my son, not overly sick, blood levels stayed up...nothing but God's grace.

Race Day Anticipation!!

In the days prior to the Komen Race for the Cure in Lexington, preparations were being made! Lynn Imaging wrapped an entire delivery vehicle in pink graphics! Emails were coming in to me saying, "Someone has joined your team." In the hours prior, Barb was gathering hats and gloves that matched for the team since it was a cool and shady 48 degrees on the forecast! Julie was in the Halloween Dept buying out the pink and black leggings and getting home to paint her husband's nails pink. John and Ella were boarding an airplane to fly to Ky to be a part of the race and visit horse country. Jack laid out his pink underarmour with excitement because he knew we were celebrating pink and Mommy!

The clouds broke and it turned out to be a beautiful morning. I was 5 min late and ran into the survivor circle screaming "I'm here!" and ducked under the 0-5 year banner ready to be in the pic. Cinder and I walked the survivor walk together.

Amanda's Team gathered to the front and some walked and some ran. I ran the whole race in 36min. Everyone made it through!

It was so much fun and I am so appreciative of my family and friends who were there and those who donated to my team! :):)

2 "Excellent Points" or Lessons Learned

I wrote a summary of my story recently for an article in TOPS in LEX, the October Breast Cancer awareness issue. I wanted to share the 2 most important paragraphs from what I wrote. I spend a lot of time reflecting on the latter one, thinking to myself, "Is this really a good summary of my experience?" and just about everytime, I answer myself, "yes, that’s it."  (But, there is one caveat; let me give it more thought on how to word it and get back to you.)

"...It was Tuesday morning, November 1, when I found out at 35 years old that I had breast cancer.  Initial diagnosis showed that it was a 4cm mildly aggressive mass in my breast and that it would be considered advanced due to the size and that it was in my lymph nodes.  I had avoided signs of my breast changing, not understanding that it could be something so serious.  My breasts have always been dense and somewhat knotty, so my “lump” located in the middle of my breast, was hard for me to catch.  This is not an excuse or ignorance; it is the reality of not getting properly timed exams, not understanding that breast cancer is sometimes more than just a lump, and that many times it involves changes in the breast- all that should be addressed immediately and routinely, regardless of how busy we are...."

"...Now that I am cancer free, the question that people ask me and that I ask myself now is “how has my perspective changed?”   To sum it up, I have learned so much about the power of “choosing”.  When I made the choice that I was not a victim and turned to the power of prayer, I got to choose a very spiritual, powerful and rewarding journey that would mark me in many ways, but where cancer never defined me.  Each day, I believe we have a choice in how to live out that diagnosis or whatever the situation may be in our lives.   I guess its true that I have a new normal, but I have also resumed a hectic schedule.  The difference now is that I understand more about the magnitude of the journey in each day than the destination itself. 

Join me in a race on October 6, 2012!

Dear Friends and Family,

I recently accepted the challenge to raise funds to support the Lexington Affiliate of

Susan G. Komen for the Curein its efforts to END BREAST CANCER FOREVER.

I am slowly building up to be able to run in the Race for the

Cure©on October 6 in Lexington, KY! I would love for you to join me!

You can run. You can walk. You can donate.

You can do one or all three! J

Please help support me in this important project by becoming a member of my team!

I am looking for my friends and family to join me in supporting this very worthwhile cause.

Becoming a team member is easy! All you need to do is click on the link to my personal

page below and register for the Race for the Cure© and “Join a Team”.

October 3^rd is deadline.

Remember, one person can make a difference in the fight against breast cancer.

Susan G. Komen for the Cure was founded by one sister making a promise to another

sister. You can be a part of this worthwhile effort! Our promise of a world without

breast cancer does not just rest in the hands of Susan G. Komen for the Cure. It is

up to you, our community of survivors and co-survivors, to stand united with us until

the promise is fulfilled and the cures are found.

Click on my personal page below for more details! I look forward to seeing you on race day!

Thanks for all of your love and support

over the last 10 months! Love you!

Sincerely,
Amanda

To donate online, click the link below.

To send a donation:
Make all checks payable to:
Susan G. Komen for the Cure Lexington Affiliate
1795 Alysheba Way
Suite 3104
Lexington, KY 40509

Click here to view the team page for Amanda’s 5 More Minutes

It's official

Never underestimate the power of our God. Nine months later, I have a great story to tell! It's not about me, the story is about the support, love and grace of God through my friends and family and prayer. You are a true gift to me. Happy tears! We did this. I feel like a poor leader with a great team! :) Love you. Amanda

What IS radiation really?

Sorry I have not provided a good update of this radiation experience. Let me catch you up. First of all, I have 3 left including Wed, Thurs, Fri this week at 9:30am each morning. It has been Mon-Fri at 9:30 ish every day. I may have tried to run you over on the way to these appointments, my apologies if you saw me coming in your mirror! Ha!

So, radiation involves, first, parking. then walking through the garden flowers that are about 3 feet tall on either side of the sidewalk and then opening the heavy handicap doors, barreling in and being greeted by a woman who calls me "Precious" and she lets the technicians know I have arrived. I go through the main waiting room into a door that leads to dressing rooms to change and another waiting area with a tv, for those of us in our gowns. I go in the dressing room and change and come out to sit with my gown on. Often, there is someone there to visit with. Through this process, I have met several people. We all discuss our cancer as if we are discussing what we had for dinner last night. We support each other. Butch likes to hug. :)

 There is a ringer that goes off and they call my name. I walk down the hallway, pass the dressing rooms and turn to the right down another short hallway where there are side rooms equipped with very expensive and large medical devices. I continue to walk through the steel doorway (the door is approx. 5'w x 8'h), then down the ramp into this room that has been built for this radiation deal. I come to a hard table where I lie down. They set up my custom made head rest so to keep my head exactly in the right place every time, not for my comfort.

Because they are radiating under my arm and chest wall, my positioning is set just so with my left arm over my head on rests and my right arm to my side with my head turned. I get to face the computers so that I can see all of the calculations that apply to me. These calculations include exposure to the radiation, amount of electrons released, x y coordinates lined up that match the stickers on my body, table placement, and more that looks very complicated to understand.  Everything has to be perfect.  The technicians will ever so slightly adjust my body so that it lines up just perfect. 

The country music is usually on in the background.  The lights dim when they are setting me up for my treatment.  It takes about 10 minutes total.  There are 3 times that I am adjusted by the technicians and the radiation machine flies overhead to just the right spot each time.  Each time, the technicians leave the room and I hear a buzz coming out of the machine.  Each buzz approximately 20-30 seconds.  I don’t feel anything at all.  The machine doesn’t touch me.  It simply sends out beams that radiate the skin.  Now I am 30 treatments in and my skin is very red and peeling now.  I am a little uncomfortable, my reach is limited, but overall I am doing well.  I am working a lot and I don’t feel as tired as some people going through radiation.  I could use a nap from time to time, but who here could not use a nap from time to time!?  I am exhausted as I write this, but it is 11:22pm.

I am feeling much more normal.  I still am wearing my hair even though I have a good helmet head of hair.  I am losing a little weight.  I need to get out and walk/run more.  We are days out from sending our son to kindergarten and getting on a whole new schedule.  So, here we go with another new normal! J
 
I pray for you all of the time and I appreciate your prayers for me- they have been working!!  I am cancer free and can move forward when I get done here!  I have truly felt the love you have poured out over me.  Whether through a card, or through a prayer or a thought, I feel so loved!

I’ll keep posting here.  I will have more updates as I will be starting Tamoxifen after radiation.  We can welcome the hot flashes back, together!  And that will be for 5 years, yes, 5 years- menopausal symptoms.  I have got to work on my sense of humor!  I could be likely to hurt somebody, especially slow drivers.  HA!  Pray for patience and lots of humor, again, who couldn’t use more of that in their life! J

Lots of love! Amanda

The Chair

At this moment, I am sitting in the spot where I felt the breast cancer myself for the first time and realized breast cancer could be a reality for me that was confirmed 24 hours later. This is my view. This was exactly 7 months ago to the day and time (Monday 11/01 2:15pm) that I sit here now (Monday 7/02 2:15pm). Wow. Thank you God for letting me sit in this chair many months later! This feels very significant to me right now. I'm just taking it in.

Champions

I have radiation this morning at 11:45am. I am a little anxious for it although I know it will be easy by all accounts I have heard. I have my cream ready thanks to my sweet Connie. I have been busy with work like the old days. I enjoy it, but I lose priorities some times.

On Thursday night, as outgoing President for Louisville Chapter at CSI, my theme was champions and I spoke about how to be a champion, which some of you have read my thoughts on this in a previous post or heard me talk about it. My thoughts that night… I picked out 5 local champions and included quotes from them. The idea is that each of these champions demonstrate an important perspective of being a champion….Muhammad Ali=perseverance, Mario Gutierrez=Dedication, Fuzzy Zoeller=talent, Eli Manning=overcoming adversity, John Calapari=team. Each of these concepts are ones that we can take away and apply to ourselves. I added how some people in this world are champions of people and how we need to do this for each other, and I have seen this in my own journey. I noted that the members have been champions for CSI. We need to apply these concepts to our lives and be champions and not be overly consumed in work, etc. J Some people found it inspirational.

The issue here is that while this is inspirational to some and to me, we have to find ways to hold on to it. These are important concepts just as my faith in God is important to me. I think we get busy and eliminate things that are not immediately gratifying or rewarding to us personally. We have been given this life to live in its fullest when its according to God's plan. Sometimes I think we try to run our lives how we think is best, and it turns out weak and disappointing.

I pray this day that, while I am cancer free and moving to another treatment phase and progressing through this journey, I can continue my shift of priorities. Keep God first, and my family and friends, and work follow. Put away my "self" tendencies in this consuming culture, allow for margins in my life and live God's plan and ask him for it. I pray this for my friends. I pray that we live, not according to this culture's standards, but by God's standards beyond things, idols, tv commercials. I pray we can discern God's voice over all others. I pray that we can give thanks and be generous with all that we have. Amen!

Update 6/15/12

Well HI!!  How are y'all? :)  I am doing really good since I have been released from chemo!  What a wonderful thing!  I have not started radiation yet.  I start Tuesday, 6/19 and end Friday 8/3.  This is for 33 treatments (down from 37 that they had told me) every day five days per week, M-F at 9:15am.  I have 6 qty 1" or so tuquoise blue "X"'s on me so that they know where to laser me (that's the best way to say it, I guess).  This will be much easier than the chemo.  I expect I should continue about my normal day.  They say there is fatigue and sunburn/tightness feeling in skin, especially as time goes on.  My hair is coming back.  It's very curly and very dark with gray- I would like to say it was the chemo that did that, but don't think so- I think it was Lynn Imaging, just a hunch- okay or my husband. ;) Kidding. :) 

I have been working a lot lately.  Feel kind of back to how things were...always behind, always rushing. :)  I need to work on this.  I ate well for about a week.  I was inspired and had the momentum to last me a few days.  Will be getting back on that soon.  Maybe have to do a formal WW meeting? 

Love to you!
Amanda

Yeee Haw!

Sooo, no chemo this week! Feeling good about that! Had a CT scan yesterday and I have no cancer present! That's a good feeling! I also learned through appt with OBGYN that I don't have to take out ovaries in order to avoid estrogen. I learned that I may stay in menopause if things dont return to normal within 6 months or so. I also had my annual exam done which was WAY overdue which got me into this mess in the first place! Ladies- get your annual exam and mammograms done!!!!!!!! Seriously- don't put it off. Men- get your colons and prostates checked!

So it was a productive day! At the CT scan, they have you drink 2 big things of a milky substance and then they inject iodine based fluid into your veins. Tech says as she is injecting it, "it's going to feel warm, you will have metallic taste, and you will feel like you peed yourself.". Glad I didn't really pee on myself. She was right though, sure did feel like it. Haha!

I have appt with dermatologist today to see about these fingernails. They are coming off nailbed and I am concerned about bacteria. But they are atached enough that I cant rip them off, sorry of TMI. So maybe surgically remove them? I will find out!

My mtg w Radiation Oncologist is on Thursday. Will find out schedule for the summer.

I am dedicated to eating healthy and whole foods. Day 2. :). I read that fat makes estrogen which feeds my cancer. So, a REAL good reason to drop it like a hot potato!! :). Seriously!

Love to you!
Amanda

Time for a Cupcake!

12 of 12 D.O.N.E.!!!! :) Made cupcakes for nurses. They are very special and took good care of me during these last 18 treatments all together. Wow. I can't wait until the chemo washes out and I become YET another new person. Thanks for meeting me here during this. I will be starting radiation as this saga continues...so stay tuned for updates. What you can do for me? Go out and get the best cupcake you can find and enjoy it to the max!!!! Love and prayers, Amanda

Siked! Tx 11 of 12

One more after tomorrow!! "tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow...it's only a day (andaweekandoneday) awaaayyy!" (from 'Annie')

So some girlies and I were talkin'... October 6 is Susan G Komen race in Lexington, KY (www.komenlexington.org). You are invited to be a part of Team Amanda- we will get a more creative name to this, but we will have tshirts. :). And I want us to run at the front of the pack, consider this early notice. However, maybe you want to walk, maybe you just want to finish...this is great!- regardless, let's just do it! I'm siked the moment, so I feel like I could run a marathon tonight while I sleep. :). The point is, put it on your calendar. I will get an RSVP site going with information and so that you can get your tshirt if you want it.

Switching gears, last week I mentioned my momma and just little bit on just how much I love her and how she has been so good to me. I want to post here just how much I love my husband and how supportive he is in this journey. He has done so much around the house, with our son, and for me. He has been patient, loving, listening, spiritual, funny, sweet, gentle, optimistic, easy.

I love my family and my friends so much. I can't imagine this life without them (you) and without Jesus leading it. I knew this all before... now in this journey, I've really just gotten to put these relationships in overdrive and learn more about them, and just how important they really are. What a gift this journey really is. :). Wrapped in fuscia pink with a beautiful fluffy bow!!

Update on schedule--Tomorrow is treatment 11 of 12! Chemo final 12 of 12 is a week from Tuesday. I have a CT scan on June 4 that should confirm cancer clear. I meeting with Radiation Oncologist, Dr Marta Hayne on June 7 to layout radiation area. Hope to start Radiation on June 11 that will consist of 37 treatments at Central Baptist Hospital in Lexington that will be completed August 4 or so. Treaments will include park, walk in, 10 min appt, leave. Short appts and I anticipate little side affects- much easier than chemotherapy.

2 left! whooo hooooooooo

I had treatment number 10 of 12 (or number 16 of 18 total) yesterday!!  I didnt have my nice sleep.  It was nice and quiet in the chemo suite so it was good to just stay awake and visit with my momma.  Dr. Harper came out to visit.  The treatment went well.  I can't even tell you about how my Mom has been such a support to me.  She goes to every treatment, drives me around, takes me where I want to go after treatment, brings me snacks and water, reminds me of important things. I love her so very much.  I love her so much that I couldn't pick out a Mother's Day card this year, out of all years.  I am one of those that will stand there for 2 hours until I find just the right card.  Well, I was losing it everytime I went to pick one out.  So I signed my brother's card. :)  It was a nice card. 

I am so excited to have 2 left.  It is a bit overwhelming is so many ways.  I had a normal, then I had a new normal.  In 2 weeks, I will yet have another new normal as I step away from what I know life with chemotherapy into a new, new normal as I step into radiation the next week.  It makes me a bit anxious, nervous, emotional.  I am convinced that radiation will be easier treatments, so that isnt what really provokes the emotion.  Its just may be that I am so stinking happy to be so almost done with this.  It may be that I have had such rework done in my priorities, my perspective, my heart that I am just feeling vulnerable stepping into new terrritory and eventually much of where I left off. 

These are the areas I pray for God to continue to work to show me the next that He has for me. He does not intend for me in a place saying "God if you just do this, then I will do this".  God will always do His will for me regardless of my actions and my performance. I just need to listen to what He has in store and take each day to live in that truth.  He has provided His ways of grace and peace through this journey.  I have learned more about his unexplained peace and power during this journey.  He has provided me strength beyound comprehension, peace beyond what I could have ever expected, support and angels beyond what I ever could have imagined.  The funny thing is He was just as much there for me before cancer in these ways, and it was always a choice in what I wanted to believe what I could do on my own verses what He was wanting for me.  The action of picking or choosing God over self has been the ultimate learning experience and the most rewarding.

Love, Amanda

Tx 9 of 12

This treatment was last Monday on 5/7.  I met with the doctor as a check up.  All going well, except for the burns in my veins (whcih is normal for taxotere-it burns inside out) and the fact that I had a skin burn on my hands as well with nail grossness (which is also normal).  Bottom line, is she switched my Taxotere to Taxol, like going from Coke to Pepsi.  Taxotere is derived from a plant and is 2-3% more beneficial over Taxol.  The Taxol works but is manmade.  She is happy that I got 2/3 of the Taxotere and the switch will help my skin.  She had only seen the skin rash one other time and she discussed Stephen Johnson's Syndrome which is a deadly skin disease syndrome caused by a drug reaction.  Um, yes, lets switch!!

The side affects from the switch seemed easier.  Thursday was a good day, but Friday seemed to catch up with me.  Managed through it.  Travelled to see family and my niece graduate from college.  Did well for the weekend and had a great visit. 

Only 3 left!!!  Thanks for stopping by and checking on me!  Thank you for your love and outpouring of support! 

There is a meeting coming up in June that I will be handing out awards.  My theme is "Champions".  I really feel like in this lifetime we are meant to be Champions for others and we recieve Champions in our lives who step up and go to bat for us through prayer, support, love, good thoughts, and just having a real sense of connection during a time like this especially.  God places people on our heart in this way and I believe I have been placed on your heart as you are my Champion.  Until now, I thought they were very few in a lifetime, but this is not the case.  Champion could also mean angel.

Love, Amanda

Tx 8 of 12.

Tomorrow is treatment 8 of 12, this round.  Treatments now are every Monday.  Chris and I argue that it is a two hour appointment, when it is sometimes 4 hours by the time we leave.  I say tomorrow will be 2 1/2 hours.  Regardless, my week feels very short lately. 

Treatment day is just more time consuming than anything.  I am much more affected by treatment on Thursdays and Fridays. The fatigue is really profound.  I slept from Thursday 8:30pm to Friday Noon, only to return to bed at 9:00 or so Friday night.  There is still no rhythm to each week.  I may sleep well or not.  These 2-3 days days are especially very difficult days.  The next 5 weeks could possibly the hardest as treatments compound.  Nausea not the issue this round, but shear fatigue on these days is debilitating, no sugar coating it.  I have some other side affects, such as a bloody nose most of the time (Sorry if TMI, its just the truth of it- bloody from dry) and my fingernails are strange making my fingertips very sore, amongst other things.  Overall, its compounding but ONLY 5 more chemotherapy treatments.  No problem!

Today was a really great day.  I spent a lot of time at church with a great message, great people, and knowing that it doesn't matter what happens- good or bad, God has all that is in store for me now and later.  It's such great news to have hope that is found in knowing Jesus.  That my hope, my life isn't placed in material things, the daily grind, the next big sale, not even in the people I love, but in God.

I attend Quest Community Church in Lexington & Frankfort, KY.  I love my Church.  I love being part of the Church.  I am thankful for those who went before me to saying yes to the risks with God, as Quest celebrates 13 years, this week.  I am especially thankful for when they said yes to the sacrifice to opening doors in Frankfort, KY, 10 minutes from my home, just 3 1/2 years ago.  I am thankful for the authenticity and an undying commitment to serving God, of the leaders at Quest.  I am thankful the way they have loved me during this time. 

God- thank you for all you have done, will continue to do and provide.  Thank you for each person reading this.  May you speak clearly to them.  May they receive clarity and seek you in all that is entrusted to them.  Thank you for all of the love and care where you have carefully placed each one of these people in my life (those I know and don't know) during this time with my cancer.  Amen!

Lots of love, Amanda










   

Tx 7 of 12 done.

This one is done.  :)

TX 6 done. 6 more to go!

Hi!  I breezed through treatment 6 yesterday.  My Aunt Shirley went with me along with Chris. 
Here is a great story.  I met 3 sisters at treatment.  One receiving chemo treatment for pancreatic cancer.  One had breast cancer 5 years ago and doing well now.  The other one loved my cake.  I actually met them last Monday when I took in a cake platter for the nurses and ended up walking around the waiting room, serving everyone waiting. :)  Many couldn't believe that I was a patient.  Yesterday's story is so wonderful to me, because, my aunt went to the bathroom where the one sister, breast cancer survivor for 5 years, was teared up in the bathroom.  She stops my aunt and says, "I have something for your daughter."  She handed her a bracelet with "all you need is LOVE" enscribed on it.  She wore this bracelet the last 5 years and asked my aunt to give it to ME.  These days, I really don't tear up often about what I am going through, but in this case, it is very touching for me. 

I am blessed to have the schedule that I have.  I work for amazing people who pray for me and support me incredibly.  I am so appreciative of the time I have to digest all that is going on, get through the process and focus on healing. 

If you ask me how I am doing, I will tell you I am doing well.  Friday was a hard day.  I stopped in Kroger parking lot and didn't even get out of the car.  Went home to sit on couch.  On another note, on Sunday night, I took my steriod and cleaned furiously for an hour!  I will also tell you that life is a box of chocolates, you never know which one you are going to get.  I have experienced the several types of chocolates lately.  I don't like them all, but it is my box.  This is my life, it is my choice on how I choose to respond.  I can pick distaste, distrust, disheartening, disinterest, distance.  Or I can pick love, respect, redemption, trust, a soft heart, peace, deliverance.  Today I choose the latter along with dark chocolate that has cancer fighting antioxidants. My next 5 years may bring life, but it doesn't mean that it will be an easy 5 years regardless.  I am thankful for a God who can take those moments for me.  It is my guess the sister feels the same way. 

Thank you.  Love you.  Amanda

4/9/12 Follow Up Reports and Chemo

Hi.
The report is that the surgeon says that all looks good. I have a sore muscle in my back for some reason but he says he isn't worried about it. I have to have mammogram in November (1 year follow up) since I still have the other side at this point until my next surgery in January possibly.

Oncologist is pleased with me. She says I look good and that I am doing well. Only 7 more treatments of chemotherapy!! :). There are some side effects I need to be careful of, but not huge deal.

Chemo went fine. I sat down around 2:30pm and was done at around 5:10pm. I slept so sound. I am starting to like these treatments! Best sleep in a while- even if it is just an hour. Haha!

I met a woman whose breast cancer returned in her lungs 6 years ago. She comes in every 3 weeks for a dose of chemo and goes on with her life. She looks great and says breast cancer was the best thing thats ever happened to her because it got her priorities straight.

Thank you for your care an concern for me! Your prayers are working!

Never underestimate the power of how God can work in your life. It's not my work, my performance, my cancer, my ups and downs that I rest in. It's God's strength through Jesus that I can rest and trust. It's through my experience, only in the recent few years, that I have learned this allowing me to lead a much richer and fuller life than I ever expected, even in these minutes.

"I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether is is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Phillipians 4:12-13

Tx 5 of 12

Today is treatment 5 of 12.  Only 7 more to go! I had a great week managing the fatigue well.  I was able to visit with family in town which was so fun!  Easter was a great day! 

I usually don't sleep much the night before chemo. I got about 4.5 hours of sleep, which is better than usual.  My side effects seem to be minimal at this point.  I am happy with the grace that has been given in this.  Its one of those things that hit me over the last week or so.  I have not had issues with weight loss, inability to eat, extreme lack of energy.  This is truly grace over the last 5 months.  It hit me that it could be so much worse.  So, with this realization, now I am encouraged to do more from my old normal in my new normal. 

Today is 2 month surgery follow up with surgeon, Dr. AJ from Central Baptist.  I am also seeing Oncologist, Dr. Harper today.  Her appts are every 2-3 weeks now, though I am going in for chemo every Monday now.  I pray that these appoitments continue to bring the message of healing and progress.  I have a couple of concerns with soreness and side effects that I will be discussing.  Nothing major. 

Thank you for checking in.  Girls, go get your Annuals and your Mammograms!  Boys, you pay attention too!  My friend's father was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Stay aware of your bodies, go to doctor to get your checks done!  Men- don't not do this, especially with prostate, colon and all that you really need to have checked.

Here is my pic for the day.

Love you all!

Tx 4 of 12

This one came and went. :) 

Treatment 3 of 12

Hi! Here we are today at treatment 3 of 12 in Round 2. I included a pic of me so you can see how great I look ;). Haha! I took about 15 pics sitting here in parking lot before I decided to post this one. People who can see me are wondering about me. I just went in to do lab work and have an hour to kill before treatment. They do bloodwork to make sure counts are good before loading me up. My thoughts this morning were to walk during this time, or get a donut. Neither are appealing at the moment and Spaldings is closed. So I will use this time to pray, how about that conclusion?! :)

Father, I pray today for the nurses and doctors caring for their patients today. Give them wisdom and guidance. I pray for the families who are experiencing health issues- some that are under control and some that are not. I pray that you will provide your healing and comfort to these them. I pray you give them strength and security, the only kind that can come from you. I pray for my dear friends reading this, that each one knows how special he or she is to me- for those I know so well and those I do not. I pray that you lift them up today. I pray that their day is light and full of you. I pray against insecurity, doubt and fears. I pray that they see you in the middle of all they are experiencing and decisions they are making. I ask that you bless them with your favor and with your peace today. Let this prayer wash over them and give a new perspective on whatever it is they may face today. I love them in Jesus name. Thank you for each one you have put into my path. Thank you for sending your son just for us. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

TX 2 of 12, Round 2

Hi. I hope all is well with you. It’s interesting that in the middle of this, it feels so self consuming and I feel like I get a little out of touch with people because of my situation. Please let me know how YOU are doing. I feel like I don't always ask the right questions and before we know it, its all about me...

Sleep with new round.  Rare chemo photo.
3/12/2012

Today is Monday, which means I had treatment 2 of 12, Round 2 today. Every Monday morning, we shoot for 10ish. But, its always a wait and see once I get there. Today was a good example. I arrived early at 9am because thought I had yet another blood clot in my other (left) arm and we had to do an ultrasound. Computers were down, yada yada yada. I left there with chemo done at 4:15pm. To their defense, it does take a while for chemo from start to finish (1:30-4:15pm).  Oh, and I did not have a blood clot. J 

How do I feel, physically?
So, it turns out that this chemo is easier than Round 1, but not as easy as I thought it was going to be. What makes this one different and how do I really feel? The first one had nausea, lots anti nausea meds, white blood cell booster shot ($6k shot wow), fatigue, and we can revisit symptoms posted on January 10th to get the full scope...When I read back on those symptoms it made me laugh a little. Round 2 is actually much more similar that I even thought, actually. I will rank what is going on...

1. Sleep is wacked. Example.  Sleep at 3am, up at 7am, nap at 3pm, sleep at 2am, up at 6am, sleep at 8:30pm...
2. Fatigue is ever present.
3. Hot flashes.  Have to rank high due to annoyance!
4. My mouth and lining going down feels a like the top layers are just not there.
5. Dizzy from time to time.
6. Dull Muscle pain (like having restless legs from too much walking or something). I think this is the biggest culprit for keeping me awake, along with the chemo and steroids.
7. Taking steroids with each tx in round 2. Pharmacist says, "Will make you hyper, irritable, hungry.”  Well, girls and boys, we know that when we see it- don’t we!  Thanks for letting me know in advance Doc!  Exactly what went through my mind: “What do I do if I am already hyper, irritable and hungry. This can’t be good.  Oh, crap.”

I will stop there.  Overall, not bad, really.  Just giving lots of details.  Put it all together in a wig, with a prosthesis, smashbox eyebrows, lip color and flipflops-- its not that bad!  Haha!  Having hot flash now as I write, I get it, I really get the concept. Gees!  Hot flash gone.

Support Group…a calling to support families?

By the way, I went to a support group meeting last Tuesday.  That was really great.  You would be glad to know that it was done well, in my opinion.  Really great women there.  Survivors by 2 weeks, 5 years, etc.  I am thinking about how I can help more families deal with cancer.  So, I am looking into real ways to help in the non-medical support area.  This is certainly a way that I am praying and asking for what that would need to look like in Central Kentucky.  Not to interfere with my job, but just something that I am praying about.

My Son Accepting Baldness…or not
Another random note, my son saw my bald head in the last 2 days or so, twice.  After the 80 degree day on Sunday, I realized I cannot wear a wig everyday in the heat through July (when I think I will have a little hair start growing back). I wear it for the kids in our neighborhood for normalcy.  However, this will need to change.  So, I started to acclimate my son.  He says, “You look like a different Mommy.”  “You look weird.”  “You look like a ghost.”  These things do not hurt my feelings at all.  I love when he expresses what he feels without holding back.  He changed his opinion slightly tonight and did say “You look pretty but different.”  I felt he should touch my head to help him understand and he did the soft spots.  Still too much.  I knew he would do fine with hats and my new hair, but knew the bald was a bit much for him.  I am going to keep pushing it along carefully until he is used to it.

In Summary
How am I doing emotionally and spiritually? So very solid.  I can say this without hesitation at this point.  Sometimes I feel like crying out of the blue because it saddens me that anyone goes through this.  There was a family crying while walking past me in waiting room.  I am blessed to know that I may have longer than some to live, whether that is by 2 years or 50 years, we have yet to find that out.  But, I am accepting those terms 100%.  This helps me be solid.  It helps me be better.  It helps me draw my strength from God as He has promised the best for me.  It binds that relationship and trust.  It grounds me.  This is the perspective that is different; this encompasses the journey.

I am thankful for you, my friends and family, and for your prayers and support.  I just really love you.  Thanks for checking in on me.

Round 2- ding ding!!

I have learned lately just how important it is to be me and to be true to who we are. Accept things for what they are and not fear them. And to celebrate my birthday was amazing- 36 years old felt good!!

Thank you for your prayers and support. I am thinking that I will scoot back into some normalcy this round. Like the normalcy before treatment. I don't want to push it, but seems like it will be doable. Everything feels so different, but I will just see what will happen.

Love you! Amanda

Let's hear it for Round 2!! Well, Round 2 isn't exciting but the fact that Round 1 is over is great! This round should be a little easier. It's one type of medicine and a little easier on the senses, so to speak.

I ventured out this weekend to Florida. Yay! It was great. Great because it was Florida, because I was with my family and because it was my birthday on Saturday. Never have celebrated March 10 with my toes in the sand. Most I did was go out to eat! ;)

Chemo Tx 6

Hi!  What a great day I have had today.  I woke up, went to church- heard a fantastic message, hugged lots of people I love, played with my son outside and inside, visited with mom and stepdad, had a good dinner and conversation with my husband, ate girl scout cookies, and flat out enjoyed the day feeling good!  :):)

Monday morning (2/27) at 9:15am is chemo treatment number 6!  This is the final one of this round- being the Adriamyacin (red devil are what the nurses call it) and Cytoxen.  :)  My next treatment will be in a couple of weeks begin Round 2: Taxotere for 12 weeks, once per week.  Hair loss and fatigue will continue, but sounds like it will be a bit easier than this first round, and maybe no nausea? :) 

Thank you for your prayers, love and support!  I am so thankful.  I know its been a process.  You have stuck by me with your support.  Its easy to slack, but you haven't.  Thank you.

Hi.  Today is day 7 from chemo treatment number 5.  I sit here this morning physically tired to think about getting in the shower.  I ate a bowl of Special K with protein and fiber.  These things are good for me.  I saw a nutritionist because I know I am not eating right.  Yes, I have to eat what I can and what I feel like, but, I can eat most things, so I do need to watch it.  What is most intriguing to me, is that I can eat food to fight cancer.  So food becomes not just about my weight as it always has been, but about what I am putting into my body to help fight cancer now.  So, I am trying to eat more protein, make wild berry shakes, and good amounts of fruits and veges.

With that said, I am experiencing hot flashes.  I am assured it is not pre-menopausal.  Though between those and the lack of right words or connected thoughts at times, it is as close as I am going to get hopefully for a while once this is done. 

When I started this journey, I had a strong healthy body.  So, I was able to take a chemo treatment here, a chemo treatment there and get back up and keep going.  Now after 5 chemo treatments and sugery, my body is feeling these effects and is becoming exhausted.  I don't have that energy reserve that I had a few months ago. 

The deal is, I am fighting this and I am going to win.  I found out last week that when I started this, I was probably late stage 3 and when they removed everything, it was staged at 2b.  These final treatments including 7 weeks of radiation will take me into August and it is everything they can do to me to reduce my risk as much as possible for its return later.  So bring it on!

Last night, I watched a show that Oprah did about Tony Robbins.  He is a "life coach" and very good at what he does.  He talked on stage for 11 hours about how to live to your best and then had them walk on fiery hot coals.  Part of his intent is that you feel empowered about everything in your life because you can do anything if you can walk on fire.  Cancer is probably like my fiery hot coals.  I am feeling empowered in this experience.  I don't think you need fire or cancer to be empowered in life.  I am learning what makes great moments is with what you have right in front of you or inside of you.  Sometimes pulling it out is like pulling a shiny new object out of murky waters depending on where life has taken you.  Everyday we have a choice to be the person we want to be (assuming you want the best) or designed to be.  In my relationship with Jesus, I have learned that the most.  I have a choice to be in my agony and exhaustion, or to be on my feet ready to be the best I can be.  My world is not just for me to be rid of cancer and go on; its for those around me to experience a freedom and peace that comes with knowing God and knowing that there is more inside of us.  If we become satisfied with status quo, time will run out and then who will do it?

This became a personal journal session.  But, I'll tell you, I have never been committed to journaling in the 50 times I have tried, but I am committed to this blog.  So you get little very personal pieces of me from time to time.  Hope its okay with you.  Thank you for your prayers and support.  Love to each of you, Amanda

Chemo Tx 5

Hi.  Well, here we are.  February 13.  I have chemo treatment number 5 at 10:15am.  My appointment begins with the doctor and then into chemo.  I say actual treatment is approx. 2 hours.  However, I have to be there at 9:15am to get blood checked.  Then, we will leave between 2-3pm, once I meet with doctor, wait, premeds, etc.  I look forward to continuing this process and getting it done! 

Please pray nausea is easy and side effects will be manageable.  Thank you!  I will update again soon!

Lots of love!  Amanda

Believe it to be possible!

Hi!  Say it with me...GOOOO GIANTS! :)  What a great Superbowl!  We are pretty excited at our house being Giants fans and all!  I enjoyed good food, good friends, good game.  I appreciate my neighbors very much!  They hosted a superbowl party at their house; while they are Steelers fans, they were happy to do it. :)  Barb and I worked on a little project last week that was good therapy, a fun cakepop display- complete with zipline camera man, Giants offense, Patriots defense, Giants fans, Madonna, Michael Strahan and Terry Bradshaw showed up as commentators, and Tom Brady was on injured medical transport.

On this past Thursday, I met with my surgeon for follow up.  He removed the gauze, took out my staples and removed my drain.  He went over the pathology report.  The mass in the breast had shrunk to less than one inch and the one lymph node removed showed microscopic traces.  My oncologist is "tinkled pink".  This is really great news for me.  So, I will be resuming chemo on Monday, then have last one of this round (Adriamycin- nurses refer to this one as "red devil" & Cytoxen) on 2/27.  Then, my second and final round of chemo (Taxotere) will start for 12 weeks, every week.  Radiation is after that, which I will be meeting with my Radiation Oncologist on February 9th.  I will give you an update of that.  I do still have a small superficial blood clot in my arm which means that I have to remain on a blood thinner.  I have to limit my leafy green intake and watch bleeding- minor bleeds could be hard to stop.

With that said, this week should be a great week for feeling great.  I am 2 weeks out from surgery and I am 1 week away from my next chemo appt on 2/13.  So, I will catch up on stuff and go as fast as I can go.  Physically, I am doing well, extremely mobile and getting around great.  Emotionally, I am doing well. My family is doing well.  My son is provided with normalcy and routines and talks that do well for him.  He doesn't know I have a wig, he knows that I have new hair. :)   I ask what he thinks often and ask him if I should wear a cap or hair.  His favorite is my long hair.  We guide him the best way possible that we know how.  There is no right or wrong.  We do the best we can do for a 4 year old.   

As you may have picked up from this blog, I spoke at a local church on 1/15.  In the weeks following, the pastor was alerted that the cancer he fought 12 years ago may have returned.  So much so, that he drove to Mayo Clinic, ran tests and the surgeon removed several inches of his small intestines.  The day of his surgery, I even posted on his blog for him that they removed a cancerous area but didn't know definite results.  Within days after the surgery, the doctors informed him that it was not cancer and it was not related to his cancer 12 years ago and it was not going to require treatment.  Without a doubt, God worked miracles for Pastor Chuck.  It is amazing what can be done when you believe.

Thank you for your continued prayers and love for me.  Some of you are really close to me through this in your prayers and in your thoughts.  Some of you, I am aware of and some I am not, and some of you I don't even know.  Thank you for fighting the fight with me.  Believing the impossible to be possible!

Amazing...Grace

It's 4 days after surgery (left only mastectomy- the other side will come out later)...Would you believe that I dress myself, bathe myself, put my make up on, ditched the pain meds a couple of days ago, sleep decently well, eat great, and can actually drink coffee again?  Life after surgery is much easier than anticipated, physically, even just 3 weeks out from chemo.  It's a bit challenging, emotionally (I'll explain that in a sec).

On Tuesday, prior to surgery, there were probably 20 people in the waiting room over the course of this, from prayers to laughs to conversation.  I love them so!  I am overwhelmed with it!  Pastors, friends, family, just flat out love!  Warning- I digress here.....Before all of this I have always wanted to be the person to send cards timely, send nice notes, or make a phone call when someone was going through something rough.  My other priorities always got in the way.  I, now, will see to it that I NEVER miss an opportunity to send a timely card, note, text, phone call, or visit with someone who is going through something difficult.  Its not any easier for anyone to endure life's difficult times.  Everyone can use encouragement.  When you think, "I don't want to bother them"---why the heck not?  Bother them with a phone call, some chocolate, flowers on their doorstep!  Absolutely!

So....back to surgery...I was in surgery for about an hour. With prep, recovery, etc., they called my name at about 12:30pm and I was in a room by 3:30pm.  I felt amazingly well, very sleepy.  I went home on Wednesday at about Noon.  Just sat down and rested.  

On Thursday and Friday, I still sat rested.  And today, Saturday, just resting.  BUT, I can do a lot for myself.  I can reach above my head with my left arm.  Amazing!  I don't even need Advil.  I am enjoying my flowers, my cards, the love!  My family came to help clean and as usual, I ask for big chores to be done- like clean out Jack's toys.  :)  Well, they ask if they can help, so I politely accept and let them know what would be great! Haha! :):)  Thank you Shirley, Clyde and Momma. :) 

Day 4 after surgery.  Sat-1/28/12 4:22pm

The biggest thing for me is the emotional journey at this point.  I am not emotional about any one thing in particular and in fact, I am not exactly in tears at all.  When I say emotional, I mean that I am just taking it all in.  My body is going through a lot physically with a lot of changes.  Its a lot to reflect on, so I dont do it often.  I feel like this is the hardest part in the short term of this treatment process.  I am 3 weeks out of chemo, surgery done, and now 2 weeks from my next chemo.  Overall, long term, it will be fine! 

I just have to muddle through this and enjoy the grace and family provided by our Heavenly Father!  I am ENJOYING things in this much more than I am sulking about anything at all.  That is encouraging to me.  I could not do this without my friends, family and the grace of God!

Dear Heavenly Father- I pray for my friends and family to are enduring difficult times in their lives.  May You show them your light, your way, your grace for them!  May they find the words to speak out to their family and friends about it.  May they be blessed with love and support from their loved ones and may they receive it.  I pray that they RISE ABOVE the difficulty and receive a perspective of thanks, a soft heart, blessings, Your purpose.  May they be encouraged and find a place of refuge and protection in You!  Amen!

Nothing More Fun Than Surgery and Shots

Hi, it has been a about a week since I have posted.  The nausea has held off really well.  I am tired more lately.  I am not necessarily sleeping more, except for the occasional nap, but am just tired regardless of time of day. 

Friday was a great day in our house.  Donald Southworth was found guilty of murder and sentenced to life in prison.  My husband and another detective did the investigation for the past almost two years.  It was a really great day for Lexington Police and Commonwealth Attorney and justice! 

On Friday, I got to go to the doctor because my arm hurt, the inside crease of my right arm.  They sent me into an ultrasound and found that I have a blood clot.  I returned to my chemo nurse station where they informed me that I would be giving myself a shot twice a day, a blood thinner, starting now.

Exhibit A

So, I picked up my premade syringes prescription.  I sat in the parking lot and gave myself a shot.  That was a different and unique experience.  :)  I was worried someone would walk up on me.  It was a shady (not with trees) parking lot (Exhibit A pcitured to left). I called my friend Andrea to be on the phone with me.  She shared my concerns and she is in nursing school. :)  I think anyone deals differently with family and friends in any given situation, nurse or not. 

Needless, or needleness, to say I made it through that.  I have to continue every day 8am, 8pm, 8am, 8pm, etc.  They bruise pretty easy and are sore initially, but otherwise, I am getting through that. 

Another sitatution last week was that I was at Daybreak Community Church speaking about my faith, last Sunday.  This is something I never knew I could or would do years ago.  If we don't say yes and share our stories, who will?  So, I was asked and I did do it.  I talked about hope but it felt like it came out more as trust in God.  With trust, I can do anything.  Each day I can pick to be sad or in fear of the cancer and the unknown, or I can choose to rest in God and that He will take care of what all is entrusted to me, as well as my health.

As for day of surgery, please pray for the doctors to be ready and to have steady hands the day of surgery.  Please pray for peace in my family and that God will provide His healing, courage and strength for us.  Please pray for my husband, my son, my mom and my stepdad, that they will be lifted up in this step of my journey. 
I pray for you reading this. I pray that you know God in intimate ways and can choose to run to Him with all that is yours.  I thank God for you and your love and care.  Thanks for checking in!  AND GO NEW YORK GIANTS!!!!!!!!!!   XOXOX Amanda

How did it go? The meeting with the surgeon...

The meeting with the surgeon was good.  "Good" is all relative. :)  OK, let me tell you a little more.  It was good because the surgeon is extra nice, gentle, kind, experienced.  He makes it sound so easy.  He also suggested an option for me that I like a lot.  Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, January 24 at 11am.  We are only removing the left side and lymph nodes with cancer for now.  The right side, unaffected area, will be removed at time of reconstruction, that will be done later months after radiation.  This also reduces risk for infection because it is two surgeries.  He doesn't want to risk infection of the other side and delay chemo treatment.

We could have done surgery now or in another month or so.  The reason for now is because basically, the Oncologist wants to see what is in there.  She has been speculating up to this point and feeling it decrease.  Now she is curious and wants to see what is going on.  When they lay it out on the table is when they can get a real sense of it. 

Three weeks after surgery, chemo- 2 doses of this kind (Adriamyacin and Cytoxen)- will resume on 2/13 and finally on 2/27.  Then, we begin another chemo treatment (Taxotere) for 3 months.  Surgeon said sometimes they can do radiation at the same time as chemo, so MAYBE we could do that with me?!  Bring it on!  That is an exciting possibility.

That's my story and I am sticking to it. :)  Thank you for your prayers and following this journey with me.  You are very busy and I appreciate that you care to stop and check in on me. Makes me happy. :)

Meeting with Surgeon

My meeting with surgeon is at 10:30am Thursday 1/12 morning. We are scheduling surgery in next week or two. We will discuss options, though I know I will have double mastectomy as well as removal of lymph nodes.

Please pray that we will all be aligned with direction, questions answered and schedule. Please pray that I can again rest in that this is just another necessary part of my journey that I will overcome and still be a strong and beautiful woman that God created me to be.

I am thankful for an unwavering God who is just and who is the One who is really there to carry us when we can't do it on our own. He gives me the courage and strength that I otherwise could not and would not have.

So, it probably seems a bit mysterious about my symptoms and my well being during chemo.  So, I will try to lay it out there in a top 10 list... please laugh a little, I did!!

1. Nausea.  I feel like I should throw up at any moment and don't.  Then eat 10 minutes later. Giminey!
2. Fatigue.  I feel like I need to sleep all the time, but can't because my mind is too busy for that! :)  When I do sleep, I dream that I need to sleep. :)
3. Mouth.  It's as if I ate nails and spit them out.  And the nails left my mouth rough and metallic. Then eat 10 minutes later.
4. Throat.  Imagine swallowing the nails and having rough scars that make it difficult to swallow, couple that with dryness.
5. Bones.  Google Neulasta shot symptoms.  Don't tell me what it says.  I have 10 sheets of paper listing out side effects that I will not read!  I do know I feel like I've been hit by a truck for a few days.
6. Eyes.  My eye lids stick together sometimes.  It's almost as if I have a tick trying to open them back up.  So they are dry, yet they tear up easy.
7. Heartburn, loud random hiccups.  Indigestion all the time.
8. Hair.  None on my head.  Hair on my airms.  What's up with that?
9. Energy level.  It takes 6 times the energy to do something that I would have normally done.  Annoying.
10. Dizziness.  No- not cause I still consider myself blonde!  From the 10 (exaggerated) anti nausea meds.  Could you imagine these symptoms without the meds!

Other than that, I am doing well.  I am maintaining my weight.  I can't be out too much due to catching colds, germs, flu, especially during this time of year.  I go to Walmart and wear gloves. :)  I may do this in years to come.  I try to be as normal and consistent with my routine and energy as possible for my son.  I think this really helps him.   So far, so good. 

Thank you for the prayers, good thoughts, love and support.  Love from me to you!  Amanda :)

Treatment 4. Done.

Hi, I finished treatment 4 yesterday (Wed 1/4) at about 6:00pm. Arrived to do bloodwork at Noon.  Left to have lunch before doctor appointment at 1:30, then treatment to follow.  While treatment is a couple of hours, it still makes for a long day as a whole.  I typically sit in a chair and receive the chemo through an IV.  Yesterday, I got a bed.  Didn't make a difference to me.  One of the few drugs I get, they call it "red devil", because it is like red koolaid and lots of it.  That can make me sick just thinking about it.  Whatever its called, it is working! 

I found out this day that my results are really "fabulous".  I really understood this in context today.  My doctor said, "Lets face it, you had a very large tumor."  The response it is having is fabulous, not just to shrink the tumor, but fabulous in the sense that later disease and survival rate looks that much better for me.  Now, she wants to see what is in there.  So, my bi-lateral mastectomy will be in 3-4 weeks.  I will return for 2 rounds of this particular chemo in 6 weeks from now (with 12 weeks of last leg of chemo after that).  So, I get a breather from this red devil and others soon.

I don't sleep at night as well in the week following chemo.  I woke up at 4am today, plus 2 other times to pee.  :)  I say pee because it is peeing is very important for me to flush this stuff out. :)  My headache was also coming back this morning- which I think is a side effect of one of the antinausea meds.  So took Tylenol Rapid Release.  I haven't taken Pepsid AC yet which is pretty helpful once a day. 

Sorry that I haven't written regularly.  You didn't miss much.  It took me a total of about 8 days after this last treatment to get over nausea like I like.  The holidays were manageable.  I missed good family time at my mom's house.  But, it all worked out ok.  One other thing...I had prickly random hairs left from the shave.  They would stick in my caps and hurt my head.  So, I, yes ME, I took my razor, lathered up my head and shaved it front to back.  No cuts.  It was a great experience.  It does seem like the fatigue symptoms and others are compounding but not complaining worthy.

I ask for prayer that the chemo continues to work on every single cell that it is supposed to reach in my body and that I will receive complete healing.   As we exit the holiday season, I pray that my family and friends all remain strong in spirit and not lose any momentum in the fight attitude.  I pray my family's love for each other grows stronger as it has.  I pray that as we enter into another aspect of this with surgery closing in, that beyond hair and now soon beyond breasts, that I can can have a peace beyond comprehension and rest in that I am the beautiful, loving me- as a woman, as a mother, as a wife- that God made me to me with or without all of my parts.  I am deeply thankful for my family, friends and workplace who give me time that I need, cards, prayers, notes, chauffer service, food, laughs, pictures, emails, blog comments, texts, bible verses, hugs when possible, smiles, gifts, candy, cozy blankets, visits, special notes and prayer for my husband and my son, and words that say, "Amanda, anything, anything at all you all need, let me know."  I am so thankful for the love you pour out to me.  I am praying regularly for you.  Lots and lots of love from me to you!  Amanda

Happy New Year!