I had treatment number 10 of 12 (or number 16 of 18 total) yesterday!! I didnt have my nice sleep. It was nice and quiet in the chemo suite so it was good to just stay awake and visit with my momma. Dr. Harper came out to visit. The treatment went well. I can't even tell you about how my Mom has been such a support to me. She goes to every treatment, drives me around, takes me where I want to go after treatment, brings me snacks and water, reminds me of important things. I love her so very much. I love her so much that I couldn't pick out a Mother's Day card this year, out of all years. I am one of those that will stand there for 2 hours until I find just the right card. Well, I was losing it everytime I went to pick one out. So I signed my brother's card. :) It was a nice card.
I am so excited to have 2 left. It is a bit overwhelming is so many ways. I had a normal, then I had a new normal. In 2 weeks, I will yet have another new normal as I step away from what I know life with chemotherapy into a new, new normal as I step into radiation the next week. It makes me a bit anxious, nervous, emotional. I am convinced that radiation will be easier treatments, so that isnt what really provokes the emotion. Its just may be that I am so stinking happy to be so almost done with this. It may be that I have had such rework done in my priorities, my perspective, my heart that I am just feeling vulnerable stepping into new terrritory and eventually much of where I left off.
These are the areas I pray for God to continue to work to show me the next that He has for me. He does not intend for me in a place saying "God if you just do this, then I will do this". God will always do His will for me regardless of my actions and my performance. I just need to listen to what He has in store and take each day to live in that truth. He has provided His ways of grace and peace through this journey. I have learned more about his unexplained peace and power during this journey. He has provided me strength beyound comprehension, peace beyond what I could have ever expected, support and angels beyond what I ever could have imagined. The funny thing is He was just as much there for me before cancer in these ways, and it was always a choice in what I wanted to believe what I could do on my own verses what He was wanting for me. The action of picking or choosing God over self has been the ultimate learning experience and the most rewarding.
Love, Amanda
Mandy, this phase is almost over! That was a loving and well- deserved tribute to your mother. She has been steadfast in her support. Love, Aunt Shirley
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