TX 2 of 12, Round 2

Hi. I hope all is well with you. It’s interesting that in the middle of this, it feels so self consuming and I feel like I get a little out of touch with people because of my situation. Please let me know how YOU are doing. I feel like I don't always ask the right questions and before we know it, its all about me...

Sleep with new round.  Rare chemo photo.
3/12/2012

Today is Monday, which means I had treatment 2 of 12, Round 2 today. Every Monday morning, we shoot for 10ish. But, its always a wait and see once I get there. Today was a good example. I arrived early at 9am because thought I had yet another blood clot in my other (left) arm and we had to do an ultrasound. Computers were down, yada yada yada. I left there with chemo done at 4:15pm. To their defense, it does take a while for chemo from start to finish (1:30-4:15pm).  Oh, and I did not have a blood clot. J 

How do I feel, physically?
So, it turns out that this chemo is easier than Round 1, but not as easy as I thought it was going to be. What makes this one different and how do I really feel? The first one had nausea, lots anti nausea meds, white blood cell booster shot ($6k shot wow), fatigue, and we can revisit symptoms posted on January 10th to get the full scope...When I read back on those symptoms it made me laugh a little. Round 2 is actually much more similar that I even thought, actually. I will rank what is going on...

1. Sleep is wacked. Example.  Sleep at 3am, up at 7am, nap at 3pm, sleep at 2am, up at 6am, sleep at 8:30pm...
2. Fatigue is ever present.
3. Hot flashes.  Have to rank high due to annoyance!
4. My mouth and lining going down feels a like the top layers are just not there.
5. Dizzy from time to time.
6. Dull Muscle pain (like having restless legs from too much walking or something). I think this is the biggest culprit for keeping me awake, along with the chemo and steroids.
7. Taking steroids with each tx in round 2. Pharmacist says, "Will make you hyper, irritable, hungry.”  Well, girls and boys, we know that when we see it- don’t we!  Thanks for letting me know in advance Doc!  Exactly what went through my mind: “What do I do if I am already hyper, irritable and hungry. This can’t be good.  Oh, crap.”

I will stop there.  Overall, not bad, really.  Just giving lots of details.  Put it all together in a wig, with a prosthesis, smashbox eyebrows, lip color and flipflops-- its not that bad!  Haha!  Having hot flash now as I write, I get it, I really get the concept. Gees!  Hot flash gone.

Support Group…a calling to support families?

By the way, I went to a support group meeting last Tuesday.  That was really great.  You would be glad to know that it was done well, in my opinion.  Really great women there.  Survivors by 2 weeks, 5 years, etc.  I am thinking about how I can help more families deal with cancer.  So, I am looking into real ways to help in the non-medical support area.  This is certainly a way that I am praying and asking for what that would need to look like in Central Kentucky.  Not to interfere with my job, but just something that I am praying about.

My Son Accepting Baldness…or not
Another random note, my son saw my bald head in the last 2 days or so, twice.  After the 80 degree day on Sunday, I realized I cannot wear a wig everyday in the heat through July (when I think I will have a little hair start growing back). I wear it for the kids in our neighborhood for normalcy.  However, this will need to change.  So, I started to acclimate my son.  He says, “You look like a different Mommy.”  “You look weird.”  “You look like a ghost.”  These things do not hurt my feelings at all.  I love when he expresses what he feels without holding back.  He changed his opinion slightly tonight and did say “You look pretty but different.”  I felt he should touch my head to help him understand and he did the soft spots.  Still too much.  I knew he would do fine with hats and my new hair, but knew the bald was a bit much for him.  I am going to keep pushing it along carefully until he is used to it.

In Summary
How am I doing emotionally and spiritually? So very solid.  I can say this without hesitation at this point.  Sometimes I feel like crying out of the blue because it saddens me that anyone goes through this.  There was a family crying while walking past me in waiting room.  I am blessed to know that I may have longer than some to live, whether that is by 2 years or 50 years, we have yet to find that out.  But, I am accepting those terms 100%.  This helps me be solid.  It helps me be better.  It helps me draw my strength from God as He has promised the best for me.  It binds that relationship and trust.  It grounds me.  This is the perspective that is different; this encompasses the journey.

I am thankful for you, my friends and family, and for your prayers and support.  I just really love you.  Thanks for checking in on me.