Amazing...Grace

It's 4 days after surgery (left only mastectomy- the other side will come out later)...Would you believe that I dress myself, bathe myself, put my make up on, ditched the pain meds a couple of days ago, sleep decently well, eat great, and can actually drink coffee again?  Life after surgery is much easier than anticipated, physically, even just 3 weeks out from chemo.  It's a bit challenging, emotionally (I'll explain that in a sec).

On Tuesday, prior to surgery, there were probably 20 people in the waiting room over the course of this, from prayers to laughs to conversation.  I love them so!  I am overwhelmed with it!  Pastors, friends, family, just flat out love!  Warning- I digress here.....Before all of this I have always wanted to be the person to send cards timely, send nice notes, or make a phone call when someone was going through something rough.  My other priorities always got in the way.  I, now, will see to it that I NEVER miss an opportunity to send a timely card, note, text, phone call, or visit with someone who is going through something difficult.  Its not any easier for anyone to endure life's difficult times.  Everyone can use encouragement.  When you think, "I don't want to bother them"---why the heck not?  Bother them with a phone call, some chocolate, flowers on their doorstep!  Absolutely!

So....back to surgery...I was in surgery for about an hour. With prep, recovery, etc., they called my name at about 12:30pm and I was in a room by 3:30pm.  I felt amazingly well, very sleepy.  I went home on Wednesday at about Noon.  Just sat down and rested.  

On Thursday and Friday, I still sat rested.  And today, Saturday, just resting.  BUT, I can do a lot for myself.  I can reach above my head with my left arm.  Amazing!  I don't even need Advil.  I am enjoying my flowers, my cards, the love!  My family came to help clean and as usual, I ask for big chores to be done- like clean out Jack's toys.  :)  Well, they ask if they can help, so I politely accept and let them know what would be great! Haha! :):)  Thank you Shirley, Clyde and Momma. :) 

Day 4 after surgery.  Sat-1/28/12 4:22pm

The biggest thing for me is the emotional journey at this point.  I am not emotional about any one thing in particular and in fact, I am not exactly in tears at all.  When I say emotional, I mean that I am just taking it all in.  My body is going through a lot physically with a lot of changes.  Its a lot to reflect on, so I dont do it often.  I feel like this is the hardest part in the short term of this treatment process.  I am 3 weeks out of chemo, surgery done, and now 2 weeks from my next chemo.  Overall, long term, it will be fine! 

I just have to muddle through this and enjoy the grace and family provided by our Heavenly Father!  I am ENJOYING things in this much more than I am sulking about anything at all.  That is encouraging to me.  I could not do this without my friends, family and the grace of God!

Dear Heavenly Father- I pray for my friends and family to are enduring difficult times in their lives.  May You show them your light, your way, your grace for them!  May they find the words to speak out to their family and friends about it.  May they be blessed with love and support from their loved ones and may they receive it.  I pray that they RISE ABOVE the difficulty and receive a perspective of thanks, a soft heart, blessings, Your purpose.  May they be encouraged and find a place of refuge and protection in You!  Amen!

Nothing More Fun Than Surgery and Shots

Hi, it has been a about a week since I have posted.  The nausea has held off really well.  I am tired more lately.  I am not necessarily sleeping more, except for the occasional nap, but am just tired regardless of time of day. 

Friday was a great day in our house.  Donald Southworth was found guilty of murder and sentenced to life in prison.  My husband and another detective did the investigation for the past almost two years.  It was a really great day for Lexington Police and Commonwealth Attorney and justice! 

On Friday, I got to go to the doctor because my arm hurt, the inside crease of my right arm.  They sent me into an ultrasound and found that I have a blood clot.  I returned to my chemo nurse station where they informed me that I would be giving myself a shot twice a day, a blood thinner, starting now.

Exhibit A

So, I picked up my premade syringes prescription.  I sat in the parking lot and gave myself a shot.  That was a different and unique experience.  :)  I was worried someone would walk up on me.  It was a shady (not with trees) parking lot (Exhibit A pcitured to left). I called my friend Andrea to be on the phone with me.  She shared my concerns and she is in nursing school. :)  I think anyone deals differently with family and friends in any given situation, nurse or not. 

Needless, or needleness, to say I made it through that.  I have to continue every day 8am, 8pm, 8am, 8pm, etc.  They bruise pretty easy and are sore initially, but otherwise, I am getting through that. 

Another sitatution last week was that I was at Daybreak Community Church speaking about my faith, last Sunday.  This is something I never knew I could or would do years ago.  If we don't say yes and share our stories, who will?  So, I was asked and I did do it.  I talked about hope but it felt like it came out more as trust in God.  With trust, I can do anything.  Each day I can pick to be sad or in fear of the cancer and the unknown, or I can choose to rest in God and that He will take care of what all is entrusted to me, as well as my health.

As for day of surgery, please pray for the doctors to be ready and to have steady hands the day of surgery.  Please pray for peace in my family and that God will provide His healing, courage and strength for us.  Please pray for my husband, my son, my mom and my stepdad, that they will be lifted up in this step of my journey. 
I pray for you reading this. I pray that you know God in intimate ways and can choose to run to Him with all that is yours.  I thank God for you and your love and care.  Thanks for checking in!  AND GO NEW YORK GIANTS!!!!!!!!!!   XOXOX Amanda

How did it go? The meeting with the surgeon...

The meeting with the surgeon was good.  "Good" is all relative. :)  OK, let me tell you a little more.  It was good because the surgeon is extra nice, gentle, kind, experienced.  He makes it sound so easy.  He also suggested an option for me that I like a lot.  Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, January 24 at 11am.  We are only removing the left side and lymph nodes with cancer for now.  The right side, unaffected area, will be removed at time of reconstruction, that will be done later months after radiation.  This also reduces risk for infection because it is two surgeries.  He doesn't want to risk infection of the other side and delay chemo treatment.

We could have done surgery now or in another month or so.  The reason for now is because basically, the Oncologist wants to see what is in there.  She has been speculating up to this point and feeling it decrease.  Now she is curious and wants to see what is going on.  When they lay it out on the table is when they can get a real sense of it. 

Three weeks after surgery, chemo- 2 doses of this kind (Adriamyacin and Cytoxen)- will resume on 2/13 and finally on 2/27.  Then, we begin another chemo treatment (Taxotere) for 3 months.  Surgeon said sometimes they can do radiation at the same time as chemo, so MAYBE we could do that with me?!  Bring it on!  That is an exciting possibility.

That's my story and I am sticking to it. :)  Thank you for your prayers and following this journey with me.  You are very busy and I appreciate that you care to stop and check in on me. Makes me happy. :)

Meeting with Surgeon

My meeting with surgeon is at 10:30am Thursday 1/12 morning. We are scheduling surgery in next week or two. We will discuss options, though I know I will have double mastectomy as well as removal of lymph nodes.

Please pray that we will all be aligned with direction, questions answered and schedule. Please pray that I can again rest in that this is just another necessary part of my journey that I will overcome and still be a strong and beautiful woman that God created me to be.

I am thankful for an unwavering God who is just and who is the One who is really there to carry us when we can't do it on our own. He gives me the courage and strength that I otherwise could not and would not have.

So, it probably seems a bit mysterious about my symptoms and my well being during chemo.  So, I will try to lay it out there in a top 10 list... please laugh a little, I did!!

1. Nausea.  I feel like I should throw up at any moment and don't.  Then eat 10 minutes later. Giminey!
2. Fatigue.  I feel like I need to sleep all the time, but can't because my mind is too busy for that! :)  When I do sleep, I dream that I need to sleep. :)
3. Mouth.  It's as if I ate nails and spit them out.  And the nails left my mouth rough and metallic. Then eat 10 minutes later.
4. Throat.  Imagine swallowing the nails and having rough scars that make it difficult to swallow, couple that with dryness.
5. Bones.  Google Neulasta shot symptoms.  Don't tell me what it says.  I have 10 sheets of paper listing out side effects that I will not read!  I do know I feel like I've been hit by a truck for a few days.
6. Eyes.  My eye lids stick together sometimes.  It's almost as if I have a tick trying to open them back up.  So they are dry, yet they tear up easy.
7. Heartburn, loud random hiccups.  Indigestion all the time.
8. Hair.  None on my head.  Hair on my airms.  What's up with that?
9. Energy level.  It takes 6 times the energy to do something that I would have normally done.  Annoying.
10. Dizziness.  No- not cause I still consider myself blonde!  From the 10 (exaggerated) anti nausea meds.  Could you imagine these symptoms without the meds!

Other than that, I am doing well.  I am maintaining my weight.  I can't be out too much due to catching colds, germs, flu, especially during this time of year.  I go to Walmart and wear gloves. :)  I may do this in years to come.  I try to be as normal and consistent with my routine and energy as possible for my son.  I think this really helps him.   So far, so good. 

Thank you for the prayers, good thoughts, love and support.  Love from me to you!  Amanda :)

Treatment 4. Done.

Hi, I finished treatment 4 yesterday (Wed 1/4) at about 6:00pm. Arrived to do bloodwork at Noon.  Left to have lunch before doctor appointment at 1:30, then treatment to follow.  While treatment is a couple of hours, it still makes for a long day as a whole.  I typically sit in a chair and receive the chemo through an IV.  Yesterday, I got a bed.  Didn't make a difference to me.  One of the few drugs I get, they call it "red devil", because it is like red koolaid and lots of it.  That can make me sick just thinking about it.  Whatever its called, it is working! 

I found out this day that my results are really "fabulous".  I really understood this in context today.  My doctor said, "Lets face it, you had a very large tumor."  The response it is having is fabulous, not just to shrink the tumor, but fabulous in the sense that later disease and survival rate looks that much better for me.  Now, she wants to see what is in there.  So, my bi-lateral mastectomy will be in 3-4 weeks.  I will return for 2 rounds of this particular chemo in 6 weeks from now (with 12 weeks of last leg of chemo after that).  So, I get a breather from this red devil and others soon.

I don't sleep at night as well in the week following chemo.  I woke up at 4am today, plus 2 other times to pee.  :)  I say pee because it is peeing is very important for me to flush this stuff out. :)  My headache was also coming back this morning- which I think is a side effect of one of the antinausea meds.  So took Tylenol Rapid Release.  I haven't taken Pepsid AC yet which is pretty helpful once a day. 

Sorry that I haven't written regularly.  You didn't miss much.  It took me a total of about 8 days after this last treatment to get over nausea like I like.  The holidays were manageable.  I missed good family time at my mom's house.  But, it all worked out ok.  One other thing...I had prickly random hairs left from the shave.  They would stick in my caps and hurt my head.  So, I, yes ME, I took my razor, lathered up my head and shaved it front to back.  No cuts.  It was a great experience.  It does seem like the fatigue symptoms and others are compounding but not complaining worthy.

I ask for prayer that the chemo continues to work on every single cell that it is supposed to reach in my body and that I will receive complete healing.   As we exit the holiday season, I pray that my family and friends all remain strong in spirit and not lose any momentum in the fight attitude.  I pray my family's love for each other grows stronger as it has.  I pray that as we enter into another aspect of this with surgery closing in, that beyond hair and now soon beyond breasts, that I can can have a peace beyond comprehension and rest in that I am the beautiful, loving me- as a woman, as a mother, as a wife- that God made me to me with or without all of my parts.  I am deeply thankful for my family, friends and workplace who give me time that I need, cards, prayers, notes, chauffer service, food, laughs, pictures, emails, blog comments, texts, bible verses, hugs when possible, smiles, gifts, candy, cozy blankets, visits, special notes and prayer for my husband and my son, and words that say, "Amanda, anything, anything at all you all need, let me know."  I am so thankful for the love you pour out to me.  I am praying regularly for you.  Lots and lots of love from me to you!  Amanda

Happy New Year!