"Just The Way You Are" Bruno Mars

After the shock of the news of having breast cancer, to put it simply, is accepting the life in it, and then comes losing hair.  Last night, I pulled on a little lock of hair on my head, as I have done from time to time to see if it was ready to come out, and at about 7pm, I pulled the test and the hair came with it.  So, this was good timing and yes, I am losing my hair, no chance it is staying. 

The shave was a great job by Holly.  My mom, my husband, my neighbor was there.  I played "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor (off of my Fun playlist on my iPod) to kick it off, and it shuffled to "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars.  I didn't plan that.

Now that I have no hair, I can say I always had very pretty hair since I was young.  It has always defined me, who I see visually and who my husband, family and friends see.  However, its not what defines the real me.  Amanda Schoonover is a beautiful woman inside who loves her friends and family so dearly.  She is thankful for each one of you.  She is passionate, trusting, overbearing, concerned, not religious but spiritual.  She is guided and loved by God, first, then by her husband, by her mom, by her stepdad (the latter in no particular order at times).  (Sorry for the third person to those of you who hate that.) Its nice to be so definitive about who I really am.  Thank you for letting me be me.

My favorite verse has always been "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10).  Which in the beginning of my spiritual journey that was always comforting, because I thought, I can be still, that's easy. :) As my journey moves on with breast cancer in play, it is comforting to know that He is God, and then to engage in a relationship with Jesus and give glory to Him in these moments and take time to clarify what is really important in this life, is an amazing experience.  Sometimes God uses your own experiences to learn these things, but so often up to this point I learned it through others' experiences. I am blessed with the people in my life, and not just with what I have, but with what is to come. 

Giving Thanks for Being Happy

A little spin on Happy Thanksgiving. I am feeling good today. I am ready for Sunday night, yes, that is the big night for me. And no, there is no chance that just maybe it will not fall out. If there is a chance, well crap, we'll discuss that at a later date. :)

This pic is of me today with my own hair. I figure I will post periodic pics of me so you can see for yourself what you think and not just take my word for it on how I am doing.

I hope you had a great day today and you are truly thankful and not just worn out from cooking a turkey, turkey! Black Friday anyone? I can't go to stores, but computers are on! I just need a few minutes! Lots of love!

If its not in 5 minutes, its all in the nutshell.

Hi!  I have felt fantastic.  Today, I feel good- I do have a couple of mouth sores that are pretty intense (sorry if TMI). I personally think this is a sign of my white blood cell count dipping to its lowest as they assured me it would come Wednesday this week.

I feel like these good days are bonus days when I expected otherwise, which brings me to a word, "rhythm", that is an appropriate word for the expectactations of what I think will happen.  Its kind of the word of the day- or week- for me.  I have to set aside what I think the rhythm of this will be or should be- regardless of good or bad.  Its already quite a process without me trying to anticipate everything. (excellent point, Erin- in case you missed it. :))

The pressing moments in my good days now have been the impending physical transformation and mountain ahead of me.  I was told dont look at the whole mountain as it can be overwhelming.  Take in what is near me now and keep moving. (...and no it was not the Miley Cyrus song, though I admit in the open, I like that song, like "listen to it loud in my car and sing" like it...The Climb, and it is happens to be very appropriate here.  Some of you are cringing and it is making me laugh out loud to think about watching your reaction as you read this!)

So in a nutshell, the rhythm and the mountain ahead are the areas to lay down without me trying to control the experience it before it really happens.  A great friend said to me, "if you go down a road and create a picture in your mind, make sure Jesus is in that picture, if not, don't go there."  So, in a further nutshell, the rhythm, the mountain, the roads must all be at ease through God. 

As I reference nutshells, I have to tell you that I have such an adversion to all nuts- almonds, peanuts, cashews, all of them- during this.  Yuck!  I love each of you---my neighbors, my friends, my family, my support, my prayers...thank you, thank you, thank you. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!  I am incredibly grateful!

Naps are good, so are little boys who throw up.

The last two days were really great.  I walked 2 miles each morning.  I ate meals regularly.  These days are turning out to be better days in the beginning, which they say you are supposed to feel good first few days then not so well after.  I dont like being off from text book reads, but I'll take it!  I did take afternoon naps, which helped, one of which was in a Garden Ridge parking lot.  So, on the whole, dont laugh at the people with the sunglasses trying to fit in little naps in their car, unless of course they drool.  Had to add this pic.  Dont ever tell him you saw this pic! :)  Have you ever seen such!? :)

SO, at 12:30AM, Jack is in bed with us (which we allow only from time to time) and I hear "MOMMYYYY, I gotta throw up!"  Oh dear.  He sure did.  He made it to the bathroom.  Now, what do we do?  We have a child sick, not from just too much bouncing or dancing as he was last night, and a mommy whose white blood cell count is bottoming out just in time!  :)  (I smile, but I dont think Dr. Harper would. Jack is in the other room now and I sprayed the house down with Lysol- just covering my bases in case she reads.)

Bottom line for me in the last two days and after seeing NY Giants Mark Herzlich's story (google it, not just because Giants are our fave team) on the TODAY show, there is a choice that is made each day.  This applies to cancer patients and anyone...And that choice is to be positive, breath in the cool Fall air, soak in the sun rays (it happened to be sunny last two days), and be thankful that my life is blessed in so many ways.  If we choose to allow things, people, the thought of losing our hair, or sickness rule our lives, then we will always be let down. If we let God do the work He intended for us, our lives can be so much more. 

Thank you for checking in and praying for us!  Love you all!  Still deciding on the bald head pic...

Here's 5 minutes of a bad day.

Today, I got myself together, got my son off to his preschool, went shopping for fresh fruit and few groceries with my mom and uncle.  So, I could not pick up my mood.  I see this is part of this process.  So, I had a down day.  I get the positive attitude now.  I really get it.  So, switch gears and press on!!! Whoo hooo! 

The sick feeling is still present.  I have aversion to my coffee and some foods and smells.  However, never fear... :) Please know, for now, I am still eating with pretty good appetite.  Now, the other thing is that I am really shaving my head next weekend.  This ant hill will be climbed and conquered, too.  No, Holly, we are not going to get crazy with it.  Holly goes to church with me and does hair and shaves heads apparently now too. :)  I am debating on a brief 24 hour viewing of my bald head on this blog.  I will let you know what I decide!

Let me say I am blown away by the notes, prayers, thoughts you send my way.  Wow.  I feel the love and am so thankful for each of you!  I am lifted up by it.  God has each one of our hairs on our head counted (Matthew 10:30), whether we get to keep them is not the issue, He knows the very details of our lives, He loves and cares about us unconditionally. 

Going into treatment

Natural bag lady.  I say prepared. :)

Chemotherapy- 1st day! Monday 11/14/11

The day started off Jack placing his Santa hat on my one of my new hairs sitting on my desk. :)  Arrived to the Cancer Center on Monday morning.  Meeting with Doctor, then 2 hours in chemo chair with IV chemo drugs.  Chris, my mom and Craig-church elder was there.  We laughed throughtout that place before I went in.  Felt fine recieving treatment.  A little tingly pressure to the sinuses.  Afterwards, I went shopping for a bit for items that I will need, like a great custom "A" ballcap that I will indeed bedazzle.  
I felt a nauseous feeling all day like you have been on a stuffy airplane for a while, with that nausea feeling that may creep, slightly hungover and tired. I took an antinausea pill on top of the two other antinausea meds that were already in me.  Powerful stuff.  This is no Therflu remedy! Morning after (now), I feel pretty good, a little more adjusted.  I have not cried. I have been POSITIVE. :):).  Nurses would be happy to hear that. If you hear it 1 time, you hear that 100 times.

As I received treatment, I got to pray for my nurse with her and Craig.  I got to thank God for my prayer warriors!!  I really dont know the numbers of the army that is out there. I imagine there are hundreds of you.  Thank you!!  I feel the prayers and I am walking in the path of Jesus that He has prepared for me. :)  My neighbors have been such gifts to me.  They are praying, cooking dinners.  Barb helped me set up this VERY COOL site.  BTW- the watch is my watch on this site!  She is awesomeness!  I thank God for each of you!  God is providing for me and my family, y'all!! :)

My Mom, Dottie, arrived probably 45 minutes before me at the hospital and I was 20 minutes early!!  Can you believe it!!  My Mom sat through appts, had ourr snack ready in the car, took me around to work, to the mall, pick up Jack and took me home.  She is one of the loves of my life.  :) Another love is Sprinkles Cupcakes, just thought I would throw that in.

Our minutes here are well spent together. Its so fun for me. Love that you care to read.  Thanks so much for caring, praying, reading, thinking about me!

Highlights of the Beginning

It was on Wednesday 11/2/11 that I participated in a mammogram, ultrasound, biopsies of masses found in my lymph node and breast.  I received official news on that Thursday that I did have Breast Cancer, in the duct, invasive, intermediate grade that was spread to the lymph nodes.  This particular two days was no joke.  Most of you know I love to laugh, let's suffice it to say laughing was difficult.  Regardless, I knew that I could depend on God to see me through this.  He provided unexpected people that showed up in those two days.  JL was at the hospital when I walked out- he immediately place me on his prayer chain.  Helen showed up at the exact time I received the call- she was nudged by Jesus just to go be with me.  Rachel is an oncologist and is a distant cousin- she called me at home at 9pm on a Sunday night answering my questions- she is now treating me.   Roni's first day back working in Lexington was training for her to learn my work to relieve me in the coming weeks.  There are more details, but these are just a few glimpses into how God is providing for me.  I am 35 years old and should not have breast cancer.  I never had a mammogram.  I was sore under my arm, thats it.  That was my nudge and why I went to the doctor. Now, I will be enduring chemo treatment 1x every 3 wks for 4-6 times, then surgery, then radiation, then reconstruction.  There is life in this, these tasks will be temporary and easy in this context.  I bought two new hair do's.  I am shaving my head on Thanksgiving weekend.  My son is excited about my bald head and tea parties.  While this is my five minutes, I will say that I find I look at my watch more often in the last 11 days and I must say the time isn't going as fast as I have expected it to go. Five minutes feels more like fifteen.