Merry Christmas!!

It has been a great Christmas.  Christmas Eve was a little rough and I missed seeing a lot of family!  I wasn't feeling really great.  But, I napped in the evening, stayed up with Santa til 2am and made Christmas morning a very happy morning for one little boy and his brother and sister.  Jack came in at around 7:30am this morning and said, "Mommy, Daddy...Santa came and he brought me toys!"  He was so excited!  We opened presents and I cooked breakfast.  Eventually, I took a nap with Jack, which really helped- I don't think this may have been much different than many of what you have done ;).  Then, another meal was ready at 4pm!  It turned out great.  Family came over throughout the day and it was a really beautiful Christmas.  :)  I love this day and this time of year.  I am so thankful for what this day means and how much it brings together family.

The nausea is subsided.  I had another episode of a fever with tremendous headache on Friday.  That is also subsided.  I am a bit tired.  Need to rest.  With God's grace, this has been a fantastic Christmas 2011!!

Merry Christmas!! Love to you and your family!

Treatment 3. Done.



Me on 12/21/11 at 12:21 PM

 HUGE NEWS!!!!  The tumor is shrinking bigtime!  Doctor Harper's words: "Remarkable", "You made my day!" What does this mean...first of all, chemo is killing all cancer cells floating around.  Secondly, chemo is shrinking tumor to get a good margin between chest wall and mastectomy.  The survival rate, with this type of response in the beginning, increases!  The doctors want to do everything possible to treat me with chemo, radiation, etc, because I am so young.  It is the later distant disease that is concerning when the breast cancer could show up in lungs, brain, bone, etc.  She did say a couple of weeks ago that I have a 10% chance of cancer returning even after all of this and double mastectomy, because I am not triple negative I am 2 postive out of 3 (ER+, PR+, HER2-)  Now, back up to the huge news...the tumor is shrinking bigtime and this is awesome!!

Yesterday (Monday 12/20), I had my chemo treatment.  We tweaked a few things and it went much better.  The nausea seems to be under control.  I am on 2 anti-nausea pills.  Today, I am moving slowly as to not mess up a good thing.  In just a few hours, I have to get the $6000 follow up shot in my arm to boost my white blood cell count.  The shot doesn't hurt.  It actually makes the bone marrow create more white blood cells, so it does cause my bones to ache periodically especially in my back and sporadically through legs, arms.  But, not worth complaints, really. :) 

So, I have to tell you a couple of stories, that have to do with weight, I experienced recently.  Well, I was getting things done this weekend out and about, and a man asked me to try on a cape as I was close to his wife's size, supposedly.  It was a L/XL.  He says "you are a size 14-16 right?"  Then the sales associate in on this says, "size 12-14".  I was like WHAT are you talking about people!!?  For the record, I am none of those sizes!!  Then she calls me a good sport.  Well, of course I'm going to help out a man buying for his wife.  I am not going to tell him no.  Geesh.  Story number 2... the other day, I ran into someone who I didn't know and he heard through my announcement at recent meeting that I had breast cancer.  He approached me and said that his Mom had it and he was telling me an encouraging story.  Then he says, "She lost weight and was to the size she was in 8th grade.  So I have that to look forward to." (Hey W- if you are reading this, this story was precious and I loved it.)  OK, if I get to size in 8th grade, that will be extremely interesting.  BUT, lets suffice it to say, I have an appetite.  I haven't lost weight at this point.  But I am still not over a size 12- maybe close admittedly, but not there! :)

Thanks again for stopping by and keeping up with me.  I wish so much for a great Holiday Season for you and your family!  Whatever it is stressing you, let it go!  :)  It will all be okay!  Be sure to enjoy these special times, make new and lasting memories, and celebrate the hope that was born for us all.  Lots of love to you! 

A True Story about Hope

TRUE STORY THAT IS A GIFT FOR YOU AND ME…

On this past Wednesday (12/14), my friend and I finally had lunch.  She gave me a bracelet that has a message of “HOPE” inscribed on it.  She wore this same bracelet during a trying time in her life.  It was very sweet of her to pass this to me.  Now, there is more.  She lost her dad on February 15 and had last talked to him 10 months from the day we met.  On this Wednesday, she had forgotten her phone at home and when she got home that night, she had a missed call at 10:18 A.M. from her “Dad’s Cell”.  She called the number back and a woman answered.  She said, “Linda?” and the woman said, “No, this is Hope.” True story.

The cell phone was in a drawer in a bedroom and it was disconnected in February so the number was redistributed.  What are the chances that someone with his number would call her phone? And, that her name was HOPE!!!!!! 

Let me tell you about HOPE and another significance of the date February 15.  On this day in 2009, I made a decision to accept Jesus into my heart and lead my life.  Now, I know this is polarizing to some, but let me explain to you.  Prior to that, I didn’t have hope, not like this.  I didn’t understand the power of God (never will fully understand) and what it means to trust Him.  I was in control of my life. I worked hard.  I went to church some throughout my life, but wasn’t raised in church, never served in a church and didn’t know any bible verses.  I created what was important in our family with what I thought was God first, but when did I make God important?  Bad times? Absolutely yes.  It was kind of like, “God if you do this, then I will do this in return for your favor.”  Good times?  Not really, because they were good but I was thankful.  Christmas?  Check. Easter? Check.    

I began to attend Quest Community Church based in Lexington, KY.  After about a year, they opened the doors in December 2008 in Frankfort, KY, only 10 minutes from my house.  I knew there had to be more here.  So, I started attending a little more regularly.  I would cry and didn’t know why exactly.  It was there that I heard the message that as broken as I am, I can be rescued. God provides forgiveness, so that I can be whole again no matter my past looks like.  He wants a relationship with me, and if I run to Him, I will make it!

Then and now, I am far from perfect.  I am a forgiven and dearly loved daughter of our most high God.  I am honored to be the feet and hands of Jesus and spread the good news of HOPE.  In this face of cancer, I have no idea where I would be without trusting Him in my life.  He is the foundation of all that I do, good, bad, indifferent.  I run to Him with all that is entrusted to me.

Providential moments are provided by God where we don’t have to struggle to know, is that is really Him?  He knows that I am incredibly thankful for these moments.  Sometimes He is loud and clear, and sometimes He may be not as forward with His message or sign, but it is with our belief that we know that He is always here, listening and providing!   It was not a lady who answered that phone on Wednesday night, it was an Angel.  Unbelievable.  Take that one into the Christmas season. 

Romans 15:13.  I didn’t know this verse from memory, but I wrote in my bible that it was in the Christmas message from last year at this time, but check it out, it says, “I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him.  Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Dreaming of a Pink Christmas

I am doing very well today!  But, wow, I am tired after hanging with my mom and my aunt today.  They came over for a 1st annual baking event.  There wasn't much on the agenda and I rested plenty, but I certainly didn't have the energy I normally would have.  I would have normally done triple what I did today AND still be going til midnight.  But, wow, I am tired.  But...I am not nauseous!  Thank you God!  So fun to not be sick.  They also wrapped presents for me that were in PINK Support Breast Cancer Research wrapping paper! :)  Thank you, you two! 

So, my family had a decision to make this week.  Do I do Chemo Tx 3 before or after Christmas?  Well, we decided on before Christmas on this Tuesday, 12/20.  Christmas will be day 6 out (count the first day as day 1).  Taking a chance, on nausea.  Please pray that I can breeze through this one. 

My shaved hair is coming out, patchy, ready to be totally bald.  So, I may have another pic to put up soon.  I did go out today with ONLY my cotton cap, no hair.  The other day, I saw a girl my age coming out of chemo.  She wore her baldness well.  It was inspirational for me.

On Monday, I spent the evening with AIA and CSI organizations in Louisville at the Holiday Party. (I am president of CSI.)  I was glad to see a lot of my friends and folks I work with.  My entourage (husband, mom, stepdad) would not let me get close to anyone for fear of germs.  Its a little out of control.  BUT, two weeks ago when I said my eyes hurt, was achy and had a fever- that was a random virus I picked up from being out.  It was NOT chemo related.  So, these days of sickness and runny noses and coughs that are going around, I am trying to be careful- thanks to them. :)

I praise God that I am enjoying this week and getting things done.  I am thankful that my son is happy and we are playing.  I am off now to play a "hunting" game.  We are going to hunt for something in the woods or as I know it- the living room.  But he is now side tracked by the guitar and singing a NY Giants Fan song!!  :)  Off to sleep in tent now... :)

Yield to what is important

So, I have not had a good week.  This one is very different than after my 1st treatment.  I have nausea that persists; even now, 6 days after treatment, I feel like my sinuses are being eaten away in my face. :) I'll let you try to imagine that one.  So, I have not been interested in posting here.  I haven't been interested in much of anything.  What does this come down to?  First of all, no, it is not fun at all.  But then, secondly, its not about my nausea, its about how very incredibly thankful I am that I found this when I did and we are doing something about it!  I could be sitting here wrapping presents with perfectly fine sinuses preparing for Christmas and not know that I have cancer that is spreading!  Thirdly, its about how God has provided the treatment and friends and family and neighbors to get through this. 

To be honest, on Thursay, if I would have posted anything, it would have been "I DON'T WANNA".  I don't wanna do this.  I don't wanna be sick at Christmas when my son's best year is now at 4 years old.  I don't want him to have these memories of his mom with no hair and sick on the couch, at the dinner table eating yogurt when he is eating pasta.  But, I spare you and me any more of this self pitty.  While these times are fleeting, they do come and go and are necessary in this process.  I don't stay in these places for long.  I recognize them, yield briefly and move on.  I look forward to next year.  I look forward to great times.  However, since Thursday, I have baked a cake with my son on Saturday morning for his Daddy's birthday.  I felt good to do that!  We were creative and we played.  I have played Spiderman and Spidergirl with him.  So, its just me being selfish.  It's all how you CHOOSE to see it.

I will try to post more regularly regardless.  Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your prayers.  Please pray for these good times to be enough for my son and my family.  Please pray that I continue to move on from these rough moments and see God in it and be thankful for His presence in my life!  Please pray for my strength and ability to push through all of this. Please pray for healing and that I yield first and foremost to God's plan for me and that I can not only rest and TRUST in Him but also be aware in this what He wants for my life.

Chemo Treatment No 2 is upon me.

Hi.  My last post seemed abrupt to me when I went back and read it.  Sometimes funny doesn't come across very funny on these blogs; it comes across abrupt and short in personality.  Sorry for that.  I do want to let you know that I have my 2nd chemo treatment at 9:15am today 12/5.  This is where, once again, the rubber meets the road.  There have been few times I seem to have said this to myself..."this is where the rubber meets the road"...like before my first treatment and right before my first hair cut.  Also, my brother said this to me too in the beginning of this journey when he was talking about my faith against a challenging time.  If I was writing a book, I think the first chapter would be about "The Prayer Army", then Chapter 2 would be "Where the Rubber Meets the Road". 

So, as I was saying, this treatment is upon me with its lovely nausea and flu symptoms.  Please pray for my body to stay strong and push through these side effects.  Thank you for taking the time to read through these updates and pray for me and my family.  I am so thankful.  Let's get the engines revved up, get the wheels turning and let's burn some rubber on these roads!

For those of you with "Schedule Mammogram" on your to-do list, call right now. Go get 'em girls!  If you can't get a mammogram, tell them you have a history.  If you aren't interested in mammogram, schedule your annual pap- they do breast exams there.  Call now and get it done!

You and I don't have time for fluff.

Here is the deal.  SOMEONE was very critical of my blog this weekend and noticed that I had not posted. :)  You know who you are, totally joking. But, let me say this...I do not post unless there is anything worth posting, in my opinion.  This means NO fluff, fill ins, extras.  We are all too busy for that.  I am about practicality, important details as I see them, and caveats when necessary.  With that said, the best paragraph here is the last one, so if you only have a second, skip down to it and come back and read rest later. :)

I am used to having no hair.  My 4 year old son laughs at my baldness, though I have never fully taken off my hat or my hair in front of him.  He laughs, because that is what I told him not to do- thats what we do with 4 year olds.  Shaping his mind around this has been easier than anticipated, so far- emotionally for me and his dad.  Thank you for those prayers!  

While this week has been pretty good, I slept in until 10am this (Sat) morning and skipped out on the Christmas parade.  This is unusual for me.  The fatigue, slight fever and flu like symptoms are more official and present than I realized.  So I think my days now will be rest first, then go.  As opposed to go first, then rest.  Lets be honest, rest has never really been part of my day.

We went to a FOP Christmas party this week and in case you didn't know this about me- I wear a wig when I go out now- Exhibit A to the left.  We have such great friends who are on the police department.  I probably gave 50 too many hugs, ok Dr. H.- maybe just 20?  Love them very much. 

Sooo...In summary this week, in no particular order...I have a pink Christmas tree.  I am feeling flu-like with heavy eyes, slight fever and headaches like crazy.  I have a tshirt on that says "Fight Like a Girl" that I love from my dear family at Lynn 5.  I did a presentation with Mike for UK grad students on Thursday- nobody knew I was wearing a wig and I had the same passion I had before all of this.  :)  I am learning how to rest.   My son is happy and not sad for me.  My husband is very supportive.  My mom is always worried- but we work through it and she provides like a momma for her daughter. :)  My bosses are the best bosses in the entire world. 

God has provided me with friends and family that I could never have gotten on my own.  There are people who care about me because they love first, don't judge, don't ask questions, just love unconditionally and provide care, warm words and prayer for me.  I am trusting God daily in all that I do.  I don't want to take away from the previous two lines, because they are well said, but let me add another way God has provided... I signed up on an AFLAC cancer policy in January 2011.  This policy was available to me for the past 8 years.