So, I have not had a good week. This one is very different than after my 1st treatment. I have nausea that persists; even now, 6 days after treatment, I feel like my sinuses are being eaten away in my face. :) I'll let you try to imagine that one. So, I have not been interested in posting here. I haven't been interested in much of anything. What does this come down to? First of all, no, it is not fun at all. But then, secondly, its not about my nausea, its about how very incredibly thankful I am that I found this when I did and we are doing something about it! I could be sitting here wrapping presents with perfectly fine sinuses preparing for Christmas and not know that I have cancer that is spreading! Thirdly, its about how God has provided the treatment and friends and family and neighbors to get through this.
To be honest, on Thursay, if I would have posted anything, it would have been "I DON'T WANNA". I don't wanna do this. I don't wanna be sick at Christmas when my son's best year is now at 4 years old. I don't want him to have these memories of his mom with no hair and sick on the couch, at the dinner table eating yogurt when he is eating pasta. But, I spare you and me any more of this self pitty. While these times are fleeting, they do come and go and are necessary in this process. I don't stay in these places for long. I recognize them, yield briefly and move on. I look forward to next year. I look forward to great times. However, since Thursday, I have baked a cake with my son on Saturday morning for his Daddy's birthday. I felt good to do that! We were creative and we played. I have played Spiderman and Spidergirl with him. So, its just me being selfish. It's all how you CHOOSE to see it.
I will try to post more regularly regardless. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your prayers. Please pray for these good times to be enough for my son and my family. Please pray that I continue to move on from these rough moments and see God in it and be thankful for His presence in my life! Please pray for my strength and ability to push through all of this. Please pray for healing and that I yield first and foremost to God's plan for me and that I can not only rest and TRUST in Him but also be aware in this what He wants for my life.
Thank you for sharing this, Amanda. As always, you and Jack and Chris are in my prayers. Much love!
ReplyDeleteMandy, I am so glad you are feeling a little better because I am coming to see you later this week so we can have some quality time together. We will do whatever you want but hopefully a little baking, wrapping gifts, just spending some time together, whatever! See you soon, Love Aunt Shirley.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Mandy, Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch. There is no way around it with chemo. You will lose your hair and feel yucky. Just remember your end goal and that is to become free of cancer so you will have many years to enjoy your son and everyone else you love dearly. As for the hair, it is by far not the only thing that defines you. You have such wonderful smiles and laughter and a certain sparkle in your eyes when you laugh. You also have such spirit and drive, not to mention all the beauty within you. Put those all together and that comes a little closer to what defines you. I am sure your little Jack senses all that and loves you hair or no hair. I know I do.
ReplyDelete