Treatment 3 of 12

Hi! Here we are today at treatment 3 of 12 in Round 2. I included a pic of me so you can see how great I look ;). Haha! I took about 15 pics sitting here in parking lot before I decided to post this one. People who can see me are wondering about me. I just went in to do lab work and have an hour to kill before treatment. They do bloodwork to make sure counts are good before loading me up. My thoughts this morning were to walk during this time, or get a donut. Neither are appealing at the moment and Spaldings is closed. So I will use this time to pray, how about that conclusion?! :)

Father, I pray today for the nurses and doctors caring for their patients today. Give them wisdom and guidance. I pray for the families who are experiencing health issues- some that are under control and some that are not. I pray that you will provide your healing and comfort to these them. I pray you give them strength and security, the only kind that can come from you. I pray for my dear friends reading this, that each one knows how special he or she is to me- for those I know so well and those I do not. I pray that you lift them up today. I pray that their day is light and full of you. I pray against insecurity, doubt and fears. I pray that they see you in the middle of all they are experiencing and decisions they are making. I ask that you bless them with your favor and with your peace today. Let this prayer wash over them and give a new perspective on whatever it is they may face today. I love them in Jesus name. Thank you for each one you have put into my path. Thank you for sending your son just for us. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

TX 2 of 12, Round 2

Hi. I hope all is well with you. It’s interesting that in the middle of this, it feels so self consuming and I feel like I get a little out of touch with people because of my situation. Please let me know how YOU are doing. I feel like I don't always ask the right questions and before we know it, its all about me...

Sleep with new round.  Rare chemo photo.
3/12/2012

Today is Monday, which means I had treatment 2 of 12, Round 2 today. Every Monday morning, we shoot for 10ish. But, its always a wait and see once I get there. Today was a good example. I arrived early at 9am because thought I had yet another blood clot in my other (left) arm and we had to do an ultrasound. Computers were down, yada yada yada. I left there with chemo done at 4:15pm. To their defense, it does take a while for chemo from start to finish (1:30-4:15pm).  Oh, and I did not have a blood clot. J 

How do I feel, physically?
So, it turns out that this chemo is easier than Round 1, but not as easy as I thought it was going to be. What makes this one different and how do I really feel? The first one had nausea, lots anti nausea meds, white blood cell booster shot ($6k shot wow), fatigue, and we can revisit symptoms posted on January 10th to get the full scope...When I read back on those symptoms it made me laugh a little. Round 2 is actually much more similar that I even thought, actually. I will rank what is going on...

1. Sleep is wacked. Example.  Sleep at 3am, up at 7am, nap at 3pm, sleep at 2am, up at 6am, sleep at 8:30pm...
2. Fatigue is ever present.
3. Hot flashes.  Have to rank high due to annoyance!
4. My mouth and lining going down feels a like the top layers are just not there.
5. Dizzy from time to time.
6. Dull Muscle pain (like having restless legs from too much walking or something). I think this is the biggest culprit for keeping me awake, along with the chemo and steroids.
7. Taking steroids with each tx in round 2. Pharmacist says, "Will make you hyper, irritable, hungry.”  Well, girls and boys, we know that when we see it- don’t we!  Thanks for letting me know in advance Doc!  Exactly what went through my mind: “What do I do if I am already hyper, irritable and hungry. This can’t be good.  Oh, crap.”

I will stop there.  Overall, not bad, really.  Just giving lots of details.  Put it all together in a wig, with a prosthesis, smashbox eyebrows, lip color and flipflops-- its not that bad!  Haha!  Having hot flash now as I write, I get it, I really get the concept. Gees!  Hot flash gone.

Support Group…a calling to support families?

By the way, I went to a support group meeting last Tuesday.  That was really great.  You would be glad to know that it was done well, in my opinion.  Really great women there.  Survivors by 2 weeks, 5 years, etc.  I am thinking about how I can help more families deal with cancer.  So, I am looking into real ways to help in the non-medical support area.  This is certainly a way that I am praying and asking for what that would need to look like in Central Kentucky.  Not to interfere with my job, but just something that I am praying about.

My Son Accepting Baldness…or not
Another random note, my son saw my bald head in the last 2 days or so, twice.  After the 80 degree day on Sunday, I realized I cannot wear a wig everyday in the heat through July (when I think I will have a little hair start growing back). I wear it for the kids in our neighborhood for normalcy.  However, this will need to change.  So, I started to acclimate my son.  He says, “You look like a different Mommy.”  “You look weird.”  “You look like a ghost.”  These things do not hurt my feelings at all.  I love when he expresses what he feels without holding back.  He changed his opinion slightly tonight and did say “You look pretty but different.”  I felt he should touch my head to help him understand and he did the soft spots.  Still too much.  I knew he would do fine with hats and my new hair, but knew the bald was a bit much for him.  I am going to keep pushing it along carefully until he is used to it.

In Summary
How am I doing emotionally and spiritually? So very solid.  I can say this without hesitation at this point.  Sometimes I feel like crying out of the blue because it saddens me that anyone goes through this.  There was a family crying while walking past me in waiting room.  I am blessed to know that I may have longer than some to live, whether that is by 2 years or 50 years, we have yet to find that out.  But, I am accepting those terms 100%.  This helps me be solid.  It helps me be better.  It helps me draw my strength from God as He has promised the best for me.  It binds that relationship and trust.  It grounds me.  This is the perspective that is different; this encompasses the journey.

I am thankful for you, my friends and family, and for your prayers and support.  I just really love you.  Thanks for checking in on me.

Round 2- ding ding!!

I have learned lately just how important it is to be me and to be true to who we are. Accept things for what they are and not fear them. And to celebrate my birthday was amazing- 36 years old felt good!!

Thank you for your prayers and support. I am thinking that I will scoot back into some normalcy this round. Like the normalcy before treatment. I don't want to push it, but seems like it will be doable. Everything feels so different, but I will just see what will happen.

Love you! Amanda

Let's hear it for Round 2!! Well, Round 2 isn't exciting but the fact that Round 1 is over is great! This round should be a little easier. It's one type of medicine and a little easier on the senses, so to speak.

I ventured out this weekend to Florida. Yay! It was great. Great because it was Florida, because I was with my family and because it was my birthday on Saturday. Never have celebrated March 10 with my toes in the sand. Most I did was go out to eat! ;)

Chemo Tx 6

Hi!  What a great day I have had today.  I woke up, went to church- heard a fantastic message, hugged lots of people I love, played with my son outside and inside, visited with mom and stepdad, had a good dinner and conversation with my husband, ate girl scout cookies, and flat out enjoyed the day feeling good!  :):)

Monday morning (2/27) at 9:15am is chemo treatment number 6!  This is the final one of this round- being the Adriamyacin (red devil are what the nurses call it) and Cytoxen.  :)  My next treatment will be in a couple of weeks begin Round 2: Taxotere for 12 weeks, once per week.  Hair loss and fatigue will continue, but sounds like it will be a bit easier than this first round, and maybe no nausea? :) 

Thank you for your prayers, love and support!  I am so thankful.  I know its been a process.  You have stuck by me with your support.  Its easy to slack, but you haven't.  Thank you.

Hi.  Today is day 7 from chemo treatment number 5.  I sit here this morning physically tired to think about getting in the shower.  I ate a bowl of Special K with protein and fiber.  These things are good for me.  I saw a nutritionist because I know I am not eating right.  Yes, I have to eat what I can and what I feel like, but, I can eat most things, so I do need to watch it.  What is most intriguing to me, is that I can eat food to fight cancer.  So food becomes not just about my weight as it always has been, but about what I am putting into my body to help fight cancer now.  So, I am trying to eat more protein, make wild berry shakes, and good amounts of fruits and veges.

With that said, I am experiencing hot flashes.  I am assured it is not pre-menopausal.  Though between those and the lack of right words or connected thoughts at times, it is as close as I am going to get hopefully for a while once this is done. 

When I started this journey, I had a strong healthy body.  So, I was able to take a chemo treatment here, a chemo treatment there and get back up and keep going.  Now after 5 chemo treatments and sugery, my body is feeling these effects and is becoming exhausted.  I don't have that energy reserve that I had a few months ago. 

The deal is, I am fighting this and I am going to win.  I found out last week that when I started this, I was probably late stage 3 and when they removed everything, it was staged at 2b.  These final treatments including 7 weeks of radiation will take me into August and it is everything they can do to me to reduce my risk as much as possible for its return later.  So bring it on!

Last night, I watched a show that Oprah did about Tony Robbins.  He is a "life coach" and very good at what he does.  He talked on stage for 11 hours about how to live to your best and then had them walk on fiery hot coals.  Part of his intent is that you feel empowered about everything in your life because you can do anything if you can walk on fire.  Cancer is probably like my fiery hot coals.  I am feeling empowered in this experience.  I don't think you need fire or cancer to be empowered in life.  I am learning what makes great moments is with what you have right in front of you or inside of you.  Sometimes pulling it out is like pulling a shiny new object out of murky waters depending on where life has taken you.  Everyday we have a choice to be the person we want to be (assuming you want the best) or designed to be.  In my relationship with Jesus, I have learned that the most.  I have a choice to be in my agony and exhaustion, or to be on my feet ready to be the best I can be.  My world is not just for me to be rid of cancer and go on; its for those around me to experience a freedom and peace that comes with knowing God and knowing that there is more inside of us.  If we become satisfied with status quo, time will run out and then who will do it?

This became a personal journal session.  But, I'll tell you, I have never been committed to journaling in the 50 times I have tried, but I am committed to this blog.  So you get little very personal pieces of me from time to time.  Hope its okay with you.  Thank you for your prayers and support.  Love to each of you, Amanda

Chemo Tx 5

Hi.  Well, here we are.  February 13.  I have chemo treatment number 5 at 10:15am.  My appointment begins with the doctor and then into chemo.  I say actual treatment is approx. 2 hours.  However, I have to be there at 9:15am to get blood checked.  Then, we will leave between 2-3pm, once I meet with doctor, wait, premeds, etc.  I look forward to continuing this process and getting it done! 

Please pray nausea is easy and side effects will be manageable.  Thank you!  I will update again soon!

Lots of love!  Amanda

Believe it to be possible!

Hi!  Say it with me...GOOOO GIANTS! :)  What a great Superbowl!  We are pretty excited at our house being Giants fans and all!  I enjoyed good food, good friends, good game.  I appreciate my neighbors very much!  They hosted a superbowl party at their house; while they are Steelers fans, they were happy to do it. :)  Barb and I worked on a little project last week that was good therapy, a fun cakepop display- complete with zipline camera man, Giants offense, Patriots defense, Giants fans, Madonna, Michael Strahan and Terry Bradshaw showed up as commentators, and Tom Brady was on injured medical transport.

On this past Thursday, I met with my surgeon for follow up.  He removed the gauze, took out my staples and removed my drain.  He went over the pathology report.  The mass in the breast had shrunk to less than one inch and the one lymph node removed showed microscopic traces.  My oncologist is "tinkled pink".  This is really great news for me.  So, I will be resuming chemo on Monday, then have last one of this round (Adriamycin- nurses refer to this one as "red devil" & Cytoxen) on 2/27.  Then, my second and final round of chemo (Taxotere) will start for 12 weeks, every week.  Radiation is after that, which I will be meeting with my Radiation Oncologist on February 9th.  I will give you an update of that.  I do still have a small superficial blood clot in my arm which means that I have to remain on a blood thinner.  I have to limit my leafy green intake and watch bleeding- minor bleeds could be hard to stop.

With that said, this week should be a great week for feeling great.  I am 2 weeks out from surgery and I am 1 week away from my next chemo appt on 2/13.  So, I will catch up on stuff and go as fast as I can go.  Physically, I am doing well, extremely mobile and getting around great.  Emotionally, I am doing well. My family is doing well.  My son is provided with normalcy and routines and talks that do well for him.  He doesn't know I have a wig, he knows that I have new hair. :)   I ask what he thinks often and ask him if I should wear a cap or hair.  His favorite is my long hair.  We guide him the best way possible that we know how.  There is no right or wrong.  We do the best we can do for a 4 year old.   

As you may have picked up from this blog, I spoke at a local church on 1/15.  In the weeks following, the pastor was alerted that the cancer he fought 12 years ago may have returned.  So much so, that he drove to Mayo Clinic, ran tests and the surgeon removed several inches of his small intestines.  The day of his surgery, I even posted on his blog for him that they removed a cancerous area but didn't know definite results.  Within days after the surgery, the doctors informed him that it was not cancer and it was not related to his cancer 12 years ago and it was not going to require treatment.  Without a doubt, God worked miracles for Pastor Chuck.  It is amazing what can be done when you believe.

Thank you for your continued prayers and love for me.  Some of you are really close to me through this in your prayers and in your thoughts.  Some of you, I am aware of and some I am not, and some of you I don't even know.  Thank you for fighting the fight with me.  Believing the impossible to be possible!